Absence and the Heart
by Bethofbells
Summary: Mindy's been in Haiti for six months and Danny's beginning to understand what she means to him.
1. Chapter 1

Absence and the Heart

Danny unlocked his door and dropped his duffel bag in the corner. It swung shut behind him and he wearily leaned back against it, the exhaustion trying to pull him down into the floor. He knew if he gave in he'd just curl up on the on the hardwood and sleep for the next sixteen hours. He couldn't do that. He hadn't even bothered to change out of the scrubs he'd worn for the last trip into the OR tonight. Today had really taken everything out of him.

It had started like any other Saturday. Three cesareans for the day, spaced out so he'd have time to do paperwork and rest in between. It wasn't normal to have so many patients due so close together, but he had taken on Mindy's when she left for Haiti six months ago.

The first procedure went exactly as planned. Mother and child safe and sound resting a couple hours later and Danny congratulating himself on a job well done. It was the second procedure where things took a turn for the worse.

He slid down into the floor anyway. He dropped his head into his hands and just sat there. He didn't know when he'd be able to move again.

His second patient was a high risk case. Angela Arthur. Her previous cesarean coupled with her blood pressure problems and a high potential for a breech birth made Danny fairly certain that this was the best route to choose.

Things began to go wrong from the moment he made the first incision. The fetal heart rate began to drop inexplicably after regional anesthesia was administered, so Danny felt the need to get this procedure underway and completed quickly. His worry began to lessen once the child was safely on her way to the NICU. He was completing the final steps of the cesarean when Mrs. Arthut began to lose an unusually large amount of blood and her blood pressure dropped dramatically. By the time he finally found and sutured the uterine hemorrhage his patient had required several transfusions.

Danny knew that this happened sometimes, and he was in fact a good doctor, but it still had the ability to shake him. Instead of going home to rest before his next procedure, he went back to the office and dug out Mrs. Arthur's file. He always did this when he had a close call with a patient. He had laid the file out on his desk and poured over it for a couple hours. He was looking for something he missed. He felt there had to be some indication that she was at high risk for bleeding, but there was nothing. Not being able to find anything after hours of reviewing the file did make him feel better, but he really wished Mindy were there to take a look at it and come to the same conclusion. She was good to have around in times like these. He needed her reassurance that complications did sometimes inexplicably arise.

Danny lifted his head and leaned back against the door and stared into the space in front of him. Sometimes, when he was this exhausted, it seemed as though his brain was incapable of all thought. His eyes looked on blankly not taking much in. The early light of dawn began to filter through the windows on the east side of his apartment. There was a blue orchid in the window. Sitting pretty like nothing in the world could possibly ever go wrong, even though it's very existence in his apartment was a string of near death experiences. He couldn't count how many times he'd forgotten to water it. Surprisingly though, the beautiful flower had proven hardy.

Mindy had given him that orchid a long time ago, and at the time he had no clue what to do with it. The thing almost died shortly after he brought it home, and he felt guilty enough to call his mother and ask how to take care of it. He missed Mindy.

As much as they argued about trivialities, when it came to obstetrics they were a stalwart pair. She always took the time to go over his files when he had a worrisome patient. Looking things over with an extra pair of eyes, she always had insightful and helpful suggestions. She was a no nonsense warrior of a woman in the operating room. A confidence radiated from her Danny could only imagine projecting in day to day life. If Danny could be honest with himself, her abilities as a doctor impressed him to the point of admiration.

Before he could leave the office and go back to the hospital and get ready for his third cesarean Danny's pager had went off. Miss Allen. His third patient for the day had gone into labor unexpectedly and progressed much faster than anyone anticipated. He'd still felt shaken from his experience with Mrs. Arthur. He'd grabbed her files and prayed that nothing would go wrong with this birth.

This time his prayers had been answered. Although things had progressed pretty far by the time everyone arrived at the hospital, all the monitoring devices suggested that the labor would go smoothly. In actuality the quick progression was a positive sign. In the past Danny had tried repeatedly to talk Elizabeth Allen into putting her plans for a medically unnecessary procedure on hold. He explained to her that if any complications should arise it would not be hard for him to perform an emergency cesarean.

She was unwavering in her desire to have it done this way though. And when the labor advancement plateaued somewhat in the middle she still begged Danny to do it anyway. He couldn't and wouldn't, but he promised not to leave the couple's side until the baby came. That's how Danny ended up so sleep deprived at such an early hour.

After leaving the delivery room Danny shuffled through the halls of the hospital making his way to the lounge. He'd needed to sit down for a minute before heading home, but he stopped short in the doorway when he saw the empty couch and flickering vending machine.

He couldn't think of any place he'd rather be less. The room looked so depressingly empty. There was a faint buzzing sound coming from the machine and some documentary about jazz playing on the muted TV. Had it looked like this before? Sure it had. It's just that lately when it looked like this a heaviness settled in his chest that he couldn't shake. That's when he'd decided to just pack it in and go home.

As sun rose higher and higher in the sky, Danny's apartment became illuminated and he felt foolish sitting in the floor in the light of day. He hauled himself up onto two feet and slowly walked over to the orchid basking in the pale yellow light of early morning. The petals were so blue sometimes he thought it must not be real. He touched one of the petals with the tip of his index finger. They were soft delicate little pillows, completely out of place in his apartment.

After Christina had left, the apartment had begun to take on its characteristic minimalistic atmosphere. Those ridiculous larger than life portraits of him came down immediately. It was really all he could do not to toss them in the dumpster and be done with it, but he wasn't a complete jerk. He did realize that photography was Christina's work and maybe she wanted to keep them.

He'd mailed them to her, at an exorbitant cost to himself, with a note that said, "You're right, I do apologize." And told her she could do what she liked with them, but that he didn't feel comfortable keeping them. He was actually surprised she hadn't done something vindictive with them. Like set them on fire and photograph that, then have a show titled "Bastard." He smiled at the thought, it wasn't exactly the most creative idea, but he was a doctor not an artist. He really deserved no less. Their last fight had been awful, and she was completely right about everything.

Danny had moped around like a lovesick schoolboy the week Mindy had left. The worst part was he hadn't even realized what he was doing. He was unresponsive when Christina tried to draw him into conversation at dinner. He seemed to have a never ending stream of monosyllabic replies just on the tip of his tongue. Whenever she would ask him a question, he would grunt out one of them and then look down into his wine glass wishing it weren't half empty. He'd really had no idea why he felt so down. If someone had asked him how he felt (and if he were the kind of person to answer that question) he would have said "deflated."

Christina was more perceptive than himself. She'd felt that something was wrong, and although she couldn't place just what it was, she was sure it had something to do with their relationship.

One night at dinner she broached the topic. She had begun with a simple question, "Danny are you feeling alright?"

He remembered looking up at her and saying, "Yeah sure." Then looking back down at the plate in front of him and sipping on the red wine in his right hand.

"Danny, I'm serious. Something's been off about you the past couple weeks. You haven't been sick or anything have you?" The look of genuine concern in her eyes actually surprised Danny. He really had thought that no one noticed his dip in mood.

"Sick? Nah, I'm healthy as a horse babe. I've just been overextending myself at work lately. I've got more patients than I'm used to. It's gotten me more exhausted than I've been in a really longtime." He picked up the wine again and then took a bit of the Chicken Florentine on his plate. "Dinner's great though. I really appreciate you doing things like this for me." He could hear the effort in his voice and it took him aback. Was he genuinely unhappy?

"I really don't feel like you are being honest with me. This is worse than med school. We may not have seen each other much back then, but when we did you still took the time to have a two sided conversation with me at dinner. We joked around and told each other things. These days I feel like we're just existing in the same space, but not interacting at all." She set her wine down. He could tell from her posture that she was ready to dig in to this conversation. "Danny, you can tell me if this isn't what you want. I know you feel some sort of obligation to make this work. Whether it's because of your religion or your family or something I don't know. Obligation isn't love, that this isn't the way it can be."

She stood up and walked around the table. She stood there beside Danny and put her hands on either side of his face. "I do love you, but I feel like you're somewhere else right now." Those words swept over him like ice water. He suddenly felt panicked. It was like she'd removed the mask he'd been wearing. A mask that he wasn't even aware of until she ripped it from his face. He truly was somewhere else most of the time. He didn't think about Christina in the context that she thought about him. It had felt like an obligation, a burden even. He didn't love her.

He picked up his wine glass again. "Danny, put the fucking wine down and look at me!" She was pleading now.

"You're right." The words passed through his lips of their own volition. He had no power to stop them. "I'm not in this anymore. The moment I stopped being angry at you for what you did was the moment I realized I hadn't been in it for a while." It was like the dawn rising up over the mountains in spring, burning away the fog settled in the valley.

"What are you talking about?" Her eyes flashed. "This is not what I meant." She pushed away from him and stomped towards the kitchen. He rose and followed her.

"Christina! I get it now." She was standing at the kitchen sink as he came up behind her. He took her by the waist gently and turned her around. "It's not fair, I get it. I should never have started this knowing that I didn't care anymore, but I was lonely, and I thought you were my path. I thought you were inevitable." He lifted his hand to gently brush away the strands of hair falling in her eyes.

"INEVITABLE! Don't you dare try to be gentle with me! That's what caused this mess Danny. You and your inability to speak what's in your heart because it isn't kind or gentle. How long would you have let this continue if I hadn't said something?" She wasn't on the verge of tears like he'd expected. There was a white hot rage in her eyes and her jaw was set.

"I hadn't even realized it until you said something."

"Oh, sure. Danny Castellano. A man without feelings or any perceptive abilities whatsoever." She pushed him away from her and stomped to the bedroom. "You know, I genuinely thought you had changed for the better, but you're the same clueless idiot you've always been!" She grabbed her overnight bag and started shoving her clothes into it.

"Danny, if things had continued this way I probably would have cheated on you again." The words were a slap in the face bringing back memories from the dark time after the divorce. "You never understood why I did it? You ignored me. You made no time for me. You cheated on me with med school. Eventually it hurt so much that I had to let you go, but I was stupid and naïve and I didn't realize what I was doing at the time." She zipped up her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"And what exactly were you doing!? Letting the bartender at your favorite place fuck your misery away?!" The words came out explosively. She was stomping towards the door and he was following her. She stopped right at the entrance.

"No Danny, I was moving on. I had ceased to care, and I found someone else. And that's what you've done. Only we're not young and stupid anymore. There's no excuse for moving on before you finish things with me!" She slammed her bag down on the floor. "I forgot my camera. Don't touch this." And dashed back through the living room.

Danny had been frozen in place. He couldn't chase her around the apartment fighting like children. "What the hell are you talking about, Christina? You think there's someone else?" His question echoed across room. He was stunned by this statement. She had to be kidding him. "You think the only reason anyone would ever leave you is because they have someone waiting in the wings? THERE ISN'T ANYONE ELSE!"

She made her way back out into the living room, camera case in hand. "Oh, isn't there? Danny, do me a favor and think about it. Then later maybe you'll call me and apologize." She strode back to the door and picked up her bag. "You're right about not loving me, but you do love someone." She slipped through the door and slammed it behind her.

Danny had been so dazed at the time. He'd deluded himself into thinking that he didn't know what she was talking about. But, here he was, almost six months later, and he knew exactly.

Mindy had only been gone two weeks when Christina had left him. It hadn't been long enough for him to understand what was happening. He knew he had missed her in those two weeks, but he thought it was just because he'd gotten so used to her.

He'd thought that in a short time he would acclimate to her absence and just continue life as he had before. But there was a reason they had that saying about absence and the heart. Every minute she was away from him was a minute longer he had to think about what she meant to him.

Every time he walked by the lounge at the hospital and saw the empty couch he wanted to hit someone. Every time he walked past her office and saw the replacement they'd hired for the year she was away he wanted find a place to go and scream. Every time he saw two people on the subway chatting away and laughing he found himself glaring at them. He was miserable and she was thousands of miles away with someone she loved doing something worthwhile.


	2. Ch 2 Misery Loves Company

Dr. Evelyn DeLilo had settled in quite nicely at Shulman and Associates over the past several months. She had a nice rapport with her patients, and the other doctors at the office looked to her for advice because of her years of experience. Every time Danny walked by her office he found himself reflexively peering at the person sitting at Mindy's desk. She had tried repeatedly to draw Danny into conversation, but he always responded with a polite nod and a single word response.

It wasn't that Danny was a closed off person exactly. He had friends, most of whom he'd known since childhood, and he chatted with other people at the office. It wasn't that he didn't like Evelyn. She was an attractive woman in her late fifties and an experienced OBGYN to boot, but there was something keeping Danny from trying to get to know her.

This morning Danny found himself once again pausing in the corridor in front of her office, looking in on her. Every time it happened there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach or a little catch in his breathing. Most of the time the pause was only a fraction of a section, and Evelyn didn't even have the chance to look up and see him, but she did this morning. "Hello Danny, how are you today?"

She took off her red framed glasses and let them dangle on the end of the chain around her neck. She had a big smile on her face and her soft blue eyes were sparkling. "Fine, Dr. DeLilo, and how are you?"

She laughed. Her straight silvery blonde bob swished along her jaw line. "Danny, I've been telling you from day one, just call me Lynn, ok?" She picked up the coffee that was sitting on her desk and took a sip of it. "And I'm doing fine."

Danny gave a little smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Good to hear." He nodded his head and started towards his office.

"Danny, could you come in here a moment?" She called out just before he left her line of vision.

Danny went to her office door. "Would you sit down for a bit?" He looked at the chair as if it were some sort of medieval device. "I'm not going to torture you." She smiled.

He gave up on trying to remain where he was and took the seat. "Did you need help with something? A consultation or something?"

"No, Danny. I think you're the one that needs help, Danny." Her tone was so motherly it took Danny by surprise.

"Help? With what?" He searched his memory. Had he asked her to look at one of his charts or something? He honestly couldn't remember. The patient load he had right now wasn't too bad, busy for sure, but manageable.

"Something's bother you, and that hangdog expression on your face every morning as you briefly pause in front of my office has had me puzzled for months, but it just dawned on me that I wasn't always the person sitting at this desk." Her tone was gentle and encouraging. She really wanted him to tell her what was bothering him.

Danny sighed. He felt pathetic. He was being so obvious about this thing that a total stranger who had never even met Mindy could tell he missed her. "You two must have been really good friends." She leaned back in her desk chair and continued to sip her coffee. Danny suddenly felt like he was talking to a shrink.

"Irritated the hell out of each other is more like it." He let out a sigh and relaxed back in the chair. "I don't get it. There aren't two people with more opposite world views than me and Dr. Lahiri. We spent most of the time arguing."

Lynn smiled. "You remind me of my son. He doesn't like chatting about his feelings either. I may have to revise my earlier statement. This may, in fact, be torturous, because it looks like getting you to talk about yourself is going to be like pulling teeth."

He reminded her of her son? Well she kind of reminded him of his mother. There was no physical resemblance there, but she was so warm and inherently happy. It actually didn't sound like a terrible idea to have a confidante.

"Maybe not like pulling teeth. I do miss her. I didn't expect this, and I don't know how to deal with it. I mean, we barely tolerated each other most of the time and now I look in here expecting to see her every morning…." He looked down, too embarrassed to continue.

"Well doesn't she send everyone updates? I know I've gotten a few group emails since I've been here."

"I haven't opened any of them." He said it quietly without looking up. It was really the most embarrassing thing he'd said so far and the most telling. "The truth is we had a weird moment the night she decided she was going to leave." Oh, why did he think talking to someone about this was a good idea? He wished a hold would open up in the floor and engulf him.

Danny told her about the schmutz.

He remembered looking up and seeing Mindy standing there with her new short hair. He remembered feeling like he was drowning and someone had just taken away the last life preserve. The haircut only meant one thing. She was leaving. He remembered the conversation in the car. It had irked him listening to Casey suggest yet another way in which Mindy should change.

"What did you do to your hair?!" His initial shock was genuine. He did not like that she had cut her hair. He pretended not to understand the implications though, and quickly changed his tone. "I think it could grow on me."

When she had sat down in front of him, a dozen panicky thoughts were flying around his head. He was desperately pumping the breaks in a runaway car. At the time he didn't even know why he felt that way, and he was left speechlessly staring into her eyes through the panes of her glasses. He had stared for too long though so he made up the lame "schmutz" thing so she wouldn't notice his gazing. Only that had completely backfired. The little, almost inaudible catch in her throat when he took off the frames nearly undid him.

He had willed her to say it. _Say you've went back to him. Say you're leaving. Say you're changing who you are for him. Just say it so I can let go of this thing that has just crept up on me._ But she was silent, gazing right back at him, and when he gently placed the arms of her glasses back on her delicate ears she still said nothing.

It was all he could do not to gently cup the back of her neck and draw her in for a kiss. He briefly glanced at her lips. They were parted ever so slightly waiting for the next breath. When he looked back to her eyes the questions in his own were mirrored there. He almost leaned in again, but then she did say the words he'd been waiting for, and it was like someone had knocked the breath out of him. So, he started talking about Christina, and eventually trailed off and they were just left their sitting awkwardly on the sofa.

He had went home, and she, presumably, had went to Casey's.

In the time before her departure for Haiti he did his best to completely avoid her, and it hadn't been hard. It was like she was avoiding him as well.

Lynn had a small frown on her face. "Danny, ignoring each other is hardly the way to deal with this kind of thing. If she was avoiding you as well, maybe she was affected too."

Danny perked up a little. "I know there was something, just a little spark, but it wasn't developed. I didn't even realize that I needed her to stay until she was already gone. It didn't dawn on me until she had been gone for six months. Christina actually saw it before I did. That was fun." A sad smile flitted across his face. "And she _has_ been gone for six months. Shouldn't I just take the hint and get that she's happy with him and with how she's changing?"

"How would you know she's happy if you never open her emails? Obligation is a terrible thing sometimes. I think you understand that at least. For all she knows, you're living your life with Christina and you're happy, when clearly you're working yourself to the bone and you're alone and miserable." She got up from her desk and stepped in front of Danny's chair. She smiled at Danny's bemused expression.

"I don't think you're supposed to wish your misery on other people." But the thought of a miserable Mindy made him want to smile.

"Listen, there's always a chance she's just as miserable as you." She smiled and patted Danny on the shoulder. "Communication is the key. Go check your emails. If she is genuinely happy, then at least you can put this to rest. It's the uncertainty that's getting to you."

When Danny got back to his office he sat in front of the computer willing the cursor hovering over the email to just click it already. He felt the perspiration dampen his forehead. He felt he already knew what was in the emails. Peppy cheerful descriptions of all the people she was helping. Dramatic descriptions of the people she couldn't. Admiration for the work Casey was doing. The love in her words for the man she'd spent six months in a tent with. He decided to skip all the ones from months ago and just open the most two most recent ones.

He opened the one from last week first. There was no subject line, which was odd because Mindy gave everything she wrote some punny/clever title. The message was brief. There were no flowing descriptions of the work she was doing, Casey wasn't mentioned at all. Mindy wrote about the mothers in Haiti that she had been helping and the children she'd been looking after. She wished there were more doctors in Haiti. _I came here as an OBGYN but quickly realized that any doctor at all becomes whatever kind of doctor is needed at the moment. _The next line concerned him though. _I think I'm coming down with something. I've been nauseated all day and have had some other problems that a lady does not wish to discuss in an email. _ She had started feeling unwell that night and hoped she wasn't coming down with anything. There were so many gastrointestinal viruses that could really lay a person out for a while, and also the ever present buzzing threat of malaria.

Danny was stunned. He had never thought of Mindy being in any sort of peril herself. He scanned the rest of the letter. Not much else about herself. He went back to his inbox and looked at the email that had come in early this morning. He could feel the muscles in his back tense in trepidation. He clicked on it.

_I'm writing to tell you guys that I think I'll have to cut this trip short. I initially did have reservations about taking a year out of my life to do this, but once I was here I saw what a need there was for people like myself. I did have a weak moment when Casey and I parted ways, but I think it was for the best, and I could really concentrate on doing good here. As I suspected last week, I did catch one of the viruses that are so often going around in these camps, and I've been spending this week trying to stay hydrated, but I feel like I'm becoming a burden. The last thing needed here is yet another person to take care of. I haven't been able to keep much down the past week and I've been tired. My immune system is weakened from working so much and worrying so much, and I'm afraid that even when I recover from this I'll be more susceptible to other diseases. I've booked a flight home and should be back in New York within a couple weeks. It's hard to say exactly when, things here aren't always on a tight schedule. But I'll be sure to let all of you know when I make it back in._

_I love you guys,_

_Mindy._

She was coming back.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 4

It was raining. Looking at her watch Mindy could see that was late afternoon. There was no way to tell from the sky. The whole city was dark and gray. This is how Mindy would have written her return to New York if this were the halfway point in a rom/com. It fit her depressed mood. She felt like a failure. Her grand gesture was the biggest flop of her life. Looking back at it can see it for what it really was. Desperation. She was just so sick and tired of not being able to make relationships work. Casey was the first good guy she'd been with in a really long time. She had convinced herself she had deeper feelings for him than she truly did, and now she was here again. Alone.

She was sitting in the back of a dank cab with her pathetic little carry-on bag. It was chilly and damp and hanging in the air of the taxi was the faint smell of falafel and urine. Mindy wrinkled her nose a little. Before she'd gone to Haiti, she would have set in this cab for about two seconds before she demanded the cabbie pull over so she could get out and hail another, but she was exhausted and to be honest a faint falafel and urine odor just reminded her that she was back home in New York. A feeble shadow of a smile graced her face for a second. She had missed it so much.

* * *

The first two weeks in Haiti had probably been the worst two weeks of Mindy's life, and the misery she experienced had nothing to do with Haiti itself. In fact, the time she spent looking after sick kids and giving expectant mother's checkups actually took her mind off the desolation she felt creeping up on her. Yes, some of the children were so dehydrated from the diarrhea and vomiting from intestinal viruses that Mindy could hardly believe they would survive, but it made her grateful that she was in a position to help. It wasn't the misery around her that affected Mindy, it was the doubt within. She realized she didn't love Casey. She loved the idea of Casey, and that wasn't enough.

There first major blowout came merely days after arriving. They were settling down to sleep in the tent when a niggling curiosity finally got the best of Mindy. "Casey, are you awake?" They were both tucked into their respective sleeping bags wedged right next to each other like sardines.

"Yeah, what's up?" He shifted in his sleeping bag and propped his head up on his elbow so he could look at Mindy while she was talking to him.

"I've been wondering something for a while now, and now my curiosity has gotten the better of me." She flipped over in her bag to mirror the position Casey was in. "What you're doing here is good Casey, believe me I'm aware of that, but I can't help wondering if you would do it at all without the motivation of religion."

"Does the motivation really matter, Mindy? If the results are the same, I hardly think catalyst for the actions that garnered those results matters." He was frowning, but only slightly.

"It's just that sometimes I feel like you and the other missionaries like you have this quid pro quo going on with the help you give. It's almost as if you place a condition on the assistance given." She looked at him with open curiosity. "If you were volunteering in a predominantly Hindu country and the people there had no interest in your religion, if they emphatically opposed it, would you still feel inclined to help?"

"Of course I would, Mindy. Where is this coming from? Do you feel like I'm trying to force Christianity on you again? I don't want you to feel that way." He pulled his arm from the sleeping bag and reached across to cup her cheek. "Your willingness to come with me and help out, even though you don't have the same convictions as me, is humbling." He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and withdrew.

"It isn't that, it's just that you hand out pamphlets and bibles with the rations and medical supplies. It seems manipulative. How can these people make a clear decision about what they believe in when they're being influenced in such a way?" Her voice was developing a bit of an edge. "I'm certain if I were starving, or especially if my child were starving, and you offered me food, and told me that the only reason I got that food is because you're a Christian, then I would be unduly swayed to believe the same things you do. No matter how strong my previous convictions had been, I would still feel compelled or even obligated you bow to you."

"Mindy, if the positions were reversed, and it was me in their place starving or sick, no matter what they told me, I would still retain my faith in Christianity." Casey's jaw was set. He wasn't angry, just a little impassioned.

"How can you possibly believe that? Have you ever starved? Have you ever been so sick and dehydrated that you couldn't move? I'm a doctor, and I have to tell you that the physical condition of the body and the workings of the mind are intricately connected. You cannot make such an assertion." She was becoming incensed. She sat up in her sleeping bag and looked down at him.

"I have faith that God would not desert me. He would not leave me, and if there were any doubt in my mind, I would know it was just a test. God tested Job, and he can test any of the faithful." Casey had set up to and was looking straight at Mindy.

"Casey, that is ridiculous. What kind of God does that to humans? I just can't get on board with that kind of logic. It's all very good and well that most missionaries are born and raised and industrialized countries, and they never have to experience the pangs of hunger and sickness, but it makes for a very poor empathetic ability in them." She reached into the pocket of her sleeping bag and pulled out her glasses. She angrily shoved them on her face so she could see Casey better. "Do you have any idea how pompous you sound? You think that you would react differently than all of the starving people in all of the third world countries on the planet? What arrogance is that?!"

"Mindy. It's my faith. It's what any one of the missionaries here with me would say. I have to believe that the strength of my convictions and the love of God could carry me through any circumstances. If I didn't believe it, what right would I have to preach it? What right would I have to try and convert people?" Casey was angry now, but also a little dumbfounded. "Mindy, I don't understand where this is coming from. You knew this was me before we left the states. We've had a semblance of this conversation before, only it didn't get so heated. What's changed?"

The fight went out of her. Casey was right. They had had this conversation back in New York. She had eagerly accepted all of his arguments for his cause. She had even listened to the sermons he gave with a growing sense of hero worship, but now, in the midst of all this pain and misery she felt how hollow it truly was. She wasn't a Christian. He knew that. What he didn't know was just how much she didn't understand his religion. She was sure he thought that one day she would either convert or at least come to terms with it. But in reality, it was a deal breaker. It had been all along. If not for her, then definitely for him, and he didn't even know it.

"The things I've seen have changed the way I feel. I hate to admit it, but I was so naïve about all of this before." She flopped back down in the sleeping bag. "Casey, I can't help but wonder how I got here. I think I've been lying to myself. This isn't who I am."

"I know it's rough down here and the things you have to see every day make it worse, but I believe you have it in you to stay and help people. You've changed since I first met you." He had lain down as well. They were both staring at the roof of the tent.

"I know I can stay and help, Casey. That's not what I've been delusional about. I've been delusional about us. We aren't a pair. We don't have the same beliefs. We don't have the same concerns. We don't have the same life plan." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Can we finish this tomorrow, I'm exhausted." She rolled over onto her side with her back to Casey.

He looked at her for a long silent moment and sighed. "Yeah, sure. In the morning."

* * *

The cab stopped in front of Mindy's building. She was grateful she'd never gotten around to subletting it, although she had given Betsy a key and told her to check in occasionally and even stay the night if she liked.

Mindy got out of the cab and lugged her beat up little suitcase up the steps and to the front door. The exhaustion made her limbs feel leaden. Her bout with sickness had left her so easily tired. All she could think about right now was drinking a large cup of tea and passing out in her large comfy bed. She'd missed that bed more than anything.

The elevator ride seemed longer than normal. The length of the hallway between the elevator and her door seemed longer. Her bag seemed heavier. Her boots seemed clunkier. Finally Mindy got her door open and was relieved to see her apartment was in no worse condition than she left it. Actually it was in better condition. It looked like Betsy had cleaned.

Mindy dropped her keys into the bowl by the door and abandoned her bag in the foyer. She didn't even know why she had brought it back with her. There was nothing in it she would need for life here in New York. Those dingy and well used clothes had no place in her life here. Those minimal toiletries were a joke compared to what was waiting in her shower. Her shower. Mindy felt a small sob escape her throat.

She headed towards the bathroom, not waiting to take off her clothes. She left a trail of drab garments across the apartment. The hot water running Mindy got in and decided she was going to use every single product she had ever bought. Betsy had organized them into neat little rows on all the shelves. Mindy took her time. She opened each and every bottle and inhaled the flowery and musky scents before she applied them liberally. And her shampoos and conditioners wouldn't go to waste either. In the six months she'd been in Haiti, Mindy had regained almost half the length of her hair. She hadn't even realized how much it had grown until she saw herself in the mirror.

An hour later Mindy stepped out of her shower feeling like a limp noodle and wrapped herself in one of her big fluffy towels. It smelled freshly laundered. She made a mental note to give Besty a raise.

Mindy decided to forego the cup of tea. She was on the edge of sleep right now and didn't think she could even make it back to the kitchen. She slipped into her bedroom and saw her bed, freshly made, with all the little throw pillows in their places. Her throat closed up and Mindy started sobbing in earnest. The tears streaming down her face dropping at the towel bunched at her breasts. It had to be the exhaustion and the weakness from her sickness, but she knew it was also overwhelming waves of happiness that brought on the inescapable tears. She was finally home.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a quarter past five and Betsy was standing in the middle of the circular desk in the middle of the office. She had an overnight bag over one shoulder, her handbag was in the crook of the other arm. She had files tucked next to her chest, and was holding a large Tupperware container in one hand and a coffee in the other. She heard the distinct trill of her cell phone. She sighed. She had no idea where it was. She made a circle inside the desk area and tried to listen for it. As far as she knew there wasn't anyone else in the office.

"Hello!" She called out into the office. "Anyone here? I could use some help." How did everyone disappear so quickly? Yes it was a quarter past five on a Friday night, but still. "Dr. Reed? Dr. Delillo? Dr. Castellano?" No response. Great, now she was going to have to unload all of this and look for her phone.

The phone stopped ringing, and she was about to set down the Tupperware container when she heard footsteps. "You need something Betsy?" It was Dr. Castellano.

"Thank god you're still here. Can you find my phone for me? It's been ringing for like five minutes. I think it might be Dr. Lahiri calling to remind me to pick something up." Just as the words left her mouth the ringing began again. Betsy spun around in a circle trying to discern what direction the phone was coming from.

Danny looked at the ridiculous picture that Betsy made and was amused. Mindy had been running her ragged this week. Apparently her general physician hadn't given her the go-ahead to come back to work yet, he had even prescribed more rest. Danny didn't know exactly how Mindy was doing, because he'd sort of been avoiding her. Avoiding Mindy also meant avoiding Betsy lately as well. Betsy had turned into Mindy's personal assistant/ companion. Which is why Danny had considered ignoring her first call for help.

"Give me that bowl and those files. And set your coffee down. I'm pretty sure it's in your handbag." Danny looked down at the container and Betsy started digging around in her behemoth of a bag. "What is this Betsy?"

"It's soup for Dr. Lahiri. She thinks she's starting to get a cold, and I told her about this home remedy soup my mom always makes when one of us kids starts to get sick. Always keeps the cold away." She pulled something out of her bag and looked at it. "I was wondering where I put the remote to the dvd player." She tossed it back in and continued looking. "Aha!" She came up with a phone in a bright pink case.

The amused expression on Danny's face had disappeared. His brow was furrowed a bit and the half smile he'd been sporting moments earlier had disappeared. "Mindy thinks she's coming down with something? She needs to take better care of herself. With her immune system compromised a cold could set her back weeks." Betsy looked a little bit taken aback at the lecturing tone in Danny's voice. He tried to reign in his concern. "You know, she'll want to be back here soon, and it's just going to take even longer if she doesn't take care of herself." He nodded to her phone. "You find out who was calling?"

Betsy blinked and looked back down at her phone. "It was my mother. That's odd. I just spoke to her twenty minutes ago before I started getting ready to leave." She flipped over to the messages on her phone. "Oh." The expression on her face went from puzzled to disappointed. "My brother broke his leg and my parents have to go out of town this weekend. They were going to have their neighbor look in on him while they were away, but she can't do it anymore. They want me to drive up." She looked up at Danny with wide eyes. "Who'll keep Dr. Lahiri company if I go look after my brother?"

Who indeed? Danny felt the inexorableness of the situation settle on him. He sighed. Despite the conversation he'd had with Lynn, the thought of being alone with Mindy after he'd discovered his true feelings was daunting. "I suppose I can swing by her place and drop this stuff off."

"But Danny, you don't understand. Dr. Lahiri's been cooped up since she got back from Haiti two weeks ago. She's binged watched all her favorite TV shows and read everything she can get her hands on. I was supposed to come over tonight to keep her company. We were going to watch her favorite movies and hang out. She'll be so disappointed." Betsy did look genuinely sad at the prospect of driving to her parents place.

"I'm sure she'll be fine. You know Mindy. Nothing gets her down for long. She's like one of those psych patients that can't stop smiling all the time, in spite of all the shock therapy." Danny faked a smile.

"I suppose." Betsy picked her coffee up and readjusted the overnight bag on her shoulder. "She hasn't been herself lately though. I guess she's just not used to being back." Betsy tossed her phone into her bag. "I guess if you're going over there, it'll be ok." She patted him awkwardly on the shoulder and headed towards the door. "Make sure she eats all her soup," she called back to him then got in the elevator.

* * *

The gentle rocking of the subway car was doing nothing to erase the nervousness that pervaded Danny. He had no idea how to approach Mindy anymore. He wanted things to go back to the way they had been before she left, but his actions that night in the lounge had made things so awkward during the weeks before she departed.

Her absence had taken this undefined attraction he had almost always felt for her and honed it into this sharpened sense of need. Every day that she was gone the only thing occupying his thoughts was how much he missed her. But now that she was back, it was all the he could do not constantly hide from her.

He was afraid she would see it on his face. He had caught himself taking his morning jogs so they would circle in front of her place. He didn't know why. It was like there was a part of him that thought maybe one of those mornings he would stop and walk up to the stoop and she would just come busting out the doors to meet him.

But there was another part of him that was terrified. It was the part that had made up half a dozen excuses over the past week when Betsy was trying to get people to run errands for Mindy. He'd been ardently avoiding her, and now he was sitting on the subway with a green Tupperware bowl full of magic soup on his way to deliver it to that very threshold he'd been so reluctant to cross.

The subway car slowed to a stop. His stop, or rather Mindy's stop. This was it. Time to gird his loins and face this thing. Whatever it was. Danny got up, carefully making sure the soup was upright and made his way off the car. The sheen of perspiration on his brow the only thing belying the nervousness inside.

* * *

Mindy was laying on the couch watching the same episode of _Hoarders _that she'd already seen five times. The first few times she saw it, she was completely disgusted with the people that the show centered on. They had these irrational emotional attachments to objects, and completely ignored the people in their lives. By this fifth time she was beginning to come around to their way of thinking. Objects couldn't leave you. Objects couldn't tell you that you weren't good enough. Objects couldn't try and change you into something that fit their own perfect mold of what a person should be.

OK, so maybe she was internalizing this a bit.

She picked up the remote and started flipping through channels. She'd been cooped up in her apartment for what seemed like years now and she had completely run through her list of shows. She'd read every celebrity memoir she'd missed in the past six months. She'd gone through the stacks of gossip mags that had piled up at her door while she'd been gone (dear Betsy had organized them by title and date for her) and now she had stacks of recently published medical journals sitting all over her coffee table, but right now they weren't holding her attention.

She felt listless. She felt like she wasn't the same person anymore. She had definitely experienced a dramatic shift in perspective when she was in Haiti, but now it was like she was neither the old Mindy nor the new one. She found herself crying at least once a day at things that shouldn't provoke tears in anyone.

As a matter of fact, she'd just had her daily bout with seemingly unprovoked sniffling before she began watching _Hoarders_ again. She looked at the pile of tissues sitting on the end table beside the sofa. Disgusting. She got up and retrieved a waste basket and swept them into it.

The doorbell rang. Betsy. Finally. She was late tonight. Mindy made her way to the door and swung it open. "Well, it's about time…" She stopped short. "Danny. It's you."

"Yeah, Betsy had to cancel. Didn't she text you or something?" He was staring. Mindy was standing in the door way with her hair pulled up in a short little pony tail on top of her head. It really wasn't long enough for that. There were flyaways framing her face. She had her glasses on and was wearing a green and yellow polka dot pajama set with a flowery kimono style robe on top of that.

"Honesty, I don't even know where my phone is right now. I haven't looked at it all day."

"Mindy, are you ok? You look …" He trailed off. She looked like she'd been crying. He couldn't say that. He may lack tact sometimes, but he was completely aware that commenting on Mindy's disheveled state would be an open invitation to an argument. "… different." Well that was a lame save.

"Well, of course I look different, Danny. You haven't' seen me in six months, and even though I've been back for two weeks, you've yet to make an appearance." She hadn't moved from the doorway. She had her arms crossed and was looking up at him. It looked like she might start tapping her foot at any moment. Danny tried to think of something to say.

"I've been really busy. I've had a lot of patients…" He trailed off again. This was not going in the direction he wanted it to. "Betsy said you thought you were coming down with something. Hence the soup." He nodded towards the bowl cradled in the crook of his elbow. "You going to let me in so you can eat it, or are you going to just stand there?"

Mindy let a curious glance slip to the bowl Danny was holding. So he didn't want to admit he'd been avoiding her. "Are we really not going to talk about this?" She gave him a pointed look then sighed. "Fine, whatever." She'd drop it. That was fine. They'd eventually talk about it. Danny liked to pretend he was a closed book, but he always ended up telling Mindy the things he tried to keep to himself. She backed away from the doorway and turned to the side to let him in. "You may pass."

Danny walked through the doorway. He set his messenger bag down in the foyer and headed straight for Mindy's kitchen. He looked over his shoulder back at Mindy as he was walking. "You know, I have to admit, it concerned me some when Betsy said you weren't feeling well. You have to take care of yourself, Mindy. You're a doctor, you know how these things go." Danny set the soup on the island and started looking through the cabinets. "Do you even have bowls?"

Mindy walked over to the counter and pointed to the cabinet on the left. "I don't think I actually getting sick. Betsy just kept commenting on how 'terrible' I looked. A girl has to have some excuse, and I am still tired a lot, so let's keep the lecturing to a minimum, ok?" Danny grabbed two bowls and set them on the island. He looked back at her. She did look quite different. The hair of course. He'd never seen it that length on her. He liked the way she was wearing it. It looked like she'd just thrown it up without thinking. The tendrils escaping the confines of the elastic had a slight wave in them. They framed her heart shaped face.

She'd also lost weight. Something he would not comment on. The one time he did, his only intention had been to take a jab at her. He had regretted it almost instantly, but she was quick on her toes and got one in herself. He hadn't even meant it when he'd told her she could stand to lose fifteen pounds. Seeing her like this made him certain he'd been wrong.

"Have you been eating? You'll never feel well if you don't eat. I know you probably don't have much appetite, but still…" Danny filled two bowls with what looked like homemade chicken noodle soup and turned around to put them in the microwave.

"Yes mother, I've been eating." Mindy leaned back against the island. "Is that all you're going to do while you're here? Lecture me?" Mindy pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and crossed her arms.

Danny ignored her. He was looking at the microwave like it was a calculus problem. "How do you operate this thing?"

"It's a new model. Lots of fancy features." Mindy moved over beside Danny. "Let's see." She bent over and looked at it more closely. "Maybe this one?" She started hitting random buttons and finally it came on. The digital readout on the front said 25:00. "Hmm. Yeah. I have no idea how to work it either. You'll just have to watch it and turn it off after a couple minutes." She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a water for herself. "You want anything? There's orange juice and milk. Although I don't think I would take a chance on the milk if I were you."

"Water's fine." Danny took the bottle that she had already gotten out and she reached in for another. "Why don't you go sit and watch TV while I get this taken care of? I'll bring it all in there."

Mindy eyed him suspiciously. This was atypical Danny behavior. He wasn't bantering with her like he used to. He didn't rise to the bait when she couldn't operate her brand new microwave. He didn't comment on the barren state of her fridge. "Yeah, sure." She strolled into the living room area and dimmed the lights then settled back in her place on the couch and sat down. She unpaused her TV show and burrowed back under the throw. She was snoozing in five minutes.

* * *

Danny walked back into the living room with two bowls of soup and some possibly stale saltines he'd found in Mindy's pathetically bare pantry all arranged on a fancy bamboo TV tray he'd found in the back of one of the cabinets. There was a whole set of them. He had no idea what a single person who never cooked needed four bamboo TV trays for, but it was Mindy. Nothing she did made sense.

He'd bitten his tongue about the ridiculously expensive and utterly useless microwave, and he'd hidden his concern over Mindy's completely empty fridge. He was walking on egg shells with her. She seemed unusually delicate. He didn't know what to do with a fragile Mindy. He was used to the bold and argumentative woman who never let anything go without a fight. It worried him.

He was genuinely surprised that they hadn't had a big blowout argument in the hallway when she'd confronted him about avoiding her, but she'd just sighed and her shoulders had sagged.

He sat down on the couch beside her and placed the tray on the coffee table, rearranging a stack of medical journals to make room. "Not going to fall behind while you're laid up, eh?" The couch was barely more than a loveseat. She had her feet tucked up under her and Danny bumped them when he turned towards her expecting a reply. Nothing. She was fast asleep.

He really didn't want to wake her. She'd looked so tired when he'd arrived, but she also needed to eat. "Mindy." He was surprised at how softly her name escaped his lips. Suddenly self-conscious he cleared his throat and tried again. "Mindy." This time it was louder and she shifted and opened her eyes.

"Dinner's served. Courtesy of your personal assistant, Betsy." He picked up a bowl and started eating. The crackers were most definitely past their prime, but the soup was delicious.

Mindy leaned forward and grabbed the tray and set it on her lap. "So Betsy's magic soup. Hmmm. It does smell pretty good." She lifted the bowl to her lips and sipped at the broth. "Sitting here like this, I could easily pretend it's the middle of winter, Christmas time, and that we're sitting inside nice and toasty and it's snowing outside."

She was snuggled up in her throw and was holding the bowl with both hands. "We should watch a Christmas movie. A romantic comedy." She blew on the soup and glanced over to her DVD shelf. "_Love Actually. _I can totally relate to the curvy girl in love with Hugh Grant._"_ She took another sip of the soup and grabbed a cracker. "Oh god, Danny, these are cardboard."

He smirked. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they expired the same year Clinton was impeached." He set to work eating his soup.

Mindy looked up at Danny, unimpressed. "Wow, a Clinton reference. How relevant. You're such an old man. Next you'll be telling me my milk expired the year Bruce Springsteen was born. "

He looked at her and sighed, but all he said was. "Same decade, Mindy. We were born in the same decade." He wasn't deterred from his original tangent. "You need to go shopping, you literally have nothing in this apartment to eat."

"Ugh, don't talk about running errands. I hate buying groceries." She got up and walked over to her DVD's. She grabbed a case and moved over toward the TV. "No arguments about the choice of movie?" She looked over at him, her eyes were wide and questioning.

"Nah, whatever you want to watch is fine." Danny was leaned forward hunched over his soup eating caveman style.

Interesting. No argument about the movie. Mindy was sure that would have inspired a classic rant from Danny, but nothing came. She popped the DVD and wandered back to the couch and snuggled back under the throw.

The silence in the room was companionable. Mindy continued to sip at her soup and nibble at her crackers. Sitting together on the small sofa, their shoulders bumped up against each other and Mindy kept wiggling around changing positions. As always, she quickly became engrossed in the film, hanging on every word uttered by Colin Firth. Danny was, admittedly, not as interested in the character's attempt to woo the young French girl. His eyes began to wander. That's how he came to be watching Mindy watch the movie.

She owned this DVD. So he knew she'd probably seen it more than twenty times, yet it was like she was watching it for the first time. She had finished her soup and had the throw tucked up under her chin. The blue light reflected off the panes of her glasses. Something happened on the screen and she sighed contentedly. Danny's throat constricted and he felt a sigh echoing hers creep its way up through his chest. He swallowed it and quickly refocused his attention on the TV, determined to pay attention.

Much to Danny's surprise, the movie was enjoyable. The interwoven love stories captured his attention. Some were silly and sweet like most of the rom/com's Mindy loved, but a few of them were poignant, sad even. He was nudged from his immersion into the flick when he felt something on his shoulder. Mindy had fallen asleep again and was using him as a head rest.

There was a part of him that desperately wanted to slip out from under her and quietly leave. Just to let her rest like she needed, but another part of him want desperately to stay. That part of him wanted to pretend that this wasn't a random occurrence. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was imagining what it would be like if this is just how it was between them.

He could come home at night and sit in front of the TV and watch romantic comedies and history documentaries and fall asleep together eating bad food. He'd never had that with anyone. Christina had been too neurotic. She was always planning things and trying to get Danny to be something he wasn't. He could never just be with her.

Danny relaxed back into the sofa. What harm would it do to just finish the movie? To just sit here with her for a while longer? She didn't seem herself lately. Maybe it was just because she was lonely cooped up in her apartment on orders to rest. He could stay a while longer. He was exhausted too. It's not like he hadn't had a long day. He'd been booked solid at the office, and he'd even had a delivery in the middle of the day. He closed his eyes. He would just rest them for a little bit.

Danny was asleep in minutes. As the muscles in his body relaxed his head tilted towards Mindy, and his cheek came to rest on top of her head. In his sleep, the contented sigh he'd repressed earlier escaped into the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Mindy was the first to wake.

It was still dark when Mindy began to stir. At first she didn't want to wake up. She was warm and hadn't been so comfortable in ages. After a few minutes though something odd did register in her sleep fogged head. Her pillow was breathing. Her head was resting against Danny's chest which was rising and falling steadily, and her glasses were nowhere to be found. She had her hand slipped underneath her chin and she could feel the beating of his heart. Some time during the past few hours she had snuggled up to Danny and situated herself at his side, but it wasn't all her. No. Danny had put his arm around her and pulled her in close. She was tucked into the crook of his arm. His chin was just touching the top of her head and his hand was resting on her left hip.

Mindy thought about extricating herself from this potentially awkward situation, but she was still very tired. In all honesty it didn't really bother her that much. Danny was a friend, and on top of that he was one that she hadn't seen in a very long time. Maybe all this subconscious cuddling was just a manifestation him missing her. She smiled to herself. She knew she had missed him. There had been very little to make her smile the past six months. Pushing Danny's buttons was quite an enjoyable pastime.

If he were the one to wake up, this mildly awkward situation would be mortifying for him. She could tease him about it indefinitely. Just one more thing to add to the list of things she used to make the case that Danny was "obsessed" with her. She felt herself smiling again. Mindy decided to just lay there for a little while longer and wait for Danny to wake up. After fifteen minutes she started to drift off again. This was better than the sleeping medication she had taken last week when she was feeling ill. This was like a whole bottle of sleeping pills.

Just when Mindy's fakery was about to become reality, she felt Danny tense ever so slightly. His breathing pattern changed. He held his breath, as if afraid to wake her, then released it in a long slow exhale. Mindy wondered if he would try and slip out from under her without waking her, or if he would wake her up and stammer through some awkward excuses. He did neither. He did nothing at first. The both just continued to sit on the sofa in their half reclined sleeping positions.

Mindy was about to say something and shatter this weird tableau when Danny lifted the hand not on her hip and brushed the strands of hair out of her face. Mindy shivered and hoped he didn't realize she was awake. That would be hard to explain. His hand moved again. This time cupping her cheek, his thumb just barely grazing her bottom lip. _Whoa._

Mindy may have looked like she was sleeping, but she was having an epic freak out on the inside. She didn't understand what was happening? Was Danny even awake? Did he even realize what he was doing? Should she just end the charade and say something?

Danny withdrew his hand. Mindy was immediately relieved but also confused. She felt momentarily bereft and couldn't figure out why. Had all that time in Haiti without physical companionship really left her this needy? When Danny had removed his hand, Mindy had been briefly overwhelmed by the urge to lean in close to him.

She felt Danny begin to shift and wiggle slightly. So this was the avenue he was taking, huh? Sneak out from under her and pretend it'd never happened. Mindy was about to pipe up and say something along the lines of "ah-ha! I caught you. You secretly want me" just because she wanted to see him stammer and make laughably thin excuses. Before she could say anything or even open her eyes she felt one of Danny's arms slip under the small of her back and the other one in the crook of her knees. He lifted her off the couch and started heading towards her bedroom.

Alright. This had gone far enough. Mindy wasn't sure she could fake being unconscious while being carried. "Danny." She whispered his name. He stopped abruptly, still holding her. She decided maybe she would pretend she'd just woken up. "Are you carrying me?" Voice intentionally slurring just a bit so he'd think she was still half asleep.

"I'm just going to put you in your room, and then I'll leave so you can get some rest." Danny was whispering too. He continued towards her room.

"Danny, why are we whispering?" She slipped her arms up around his neck to make her position less awkward. She felt his breath against her arm when he replied.

"You were whispering, now I'm whispering, I don't think we're allowed to stop whispering." He smiled down at her. He stepped over the threshold to her room and quickly made his way over to the bed. The covers were already turned back so his just gently laid her there. "Get some sleep, Mindy. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" His voice was still hushed.

He stood and turned to leave the room. This plan of Mindy's had backfired. She couldn't admit that she'd been awake the entire time. If she did that then she wouldn't have the upper hand, and right now she didn't feel like she had the upper anyway. A girl with the upper hand didn't feel like someone had pulled the rug out from under her just because a guy was about to walk out the door. She was just so sick of being by herself lately.

"Thanks Danny." She'd finally stopped whispering. He paused in the doorway and looked back at her a little puzzled.

"For what?" He turned around fully to face her and slipped his hands in his pockets.

"For coming over and keeping me company. I know you would have rather not come, so I appreciate it." She leaned back in the bed and pulled her covers up to her chin.

Danny frowned. "What makes you think that? If I hadn't wanted to be here I wouldn't have. I'm a grown man Mindy."

"Oh, come on Danny. You've been so aloof lately. I've been back two weeks and tonight's the first time I've seen or even spoken to you, and you're not acting like yourself anyway." She wanted to withdraw the words as soon as they left her mouth. She sounded rather pathetic. "I mean for Pete's sake, you watched _Love Actually _with NO complaints. What is with you?"

Danny opened his mouth but couldn't think of anything to say. "And no comments about the state of my apartment? I don't know if you've noticed, but it's a mess. Also, I have no food in my fridge or my pantry. I can't remember the last time I did laundry. There are medical journals scattered all over my living room, and still not a peep from you about the state of this place?" She sat up in her bed.

"You don't feel well. What kind of jerk would I be if I started commenting on that stuff?" He was dumbfounded. What on earth was she talking about? He had tread so lightly tonight. He was sure that was what she needed, but this is what she wanted? She wanted to argue?

She looked up at him sweetly. "You'd be the kind of jerk I know and am friends with." She squinted up at him trying to make out the expression on his face. She wished she had her glasses. "Ugh, I'm so blind, I can't even see if you're annoyed or not."

Danny finally found the words. "Are you crazy?" He stepped over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it. He was sitting on the side, his torso twisted so he could face her. "You want to argue? You want me to point out that moping around and not eating and spending your day in a pig sty are not going to help you get back to your old self? You want me to point out that you probably aren't sick anymore? That you just seem sad?" He leaned in closer. "I can't figure it out either. Why are you so sad? You set out to do something, and through no fault of your own you had to come back a little bit early. Hell, no one in the office bet on you staying six months. Betsy was the long shot at six weeks."

Mindy looked down at the bedspread. Danny grabbed her chin and lifted her face up. He thought the expression on her face would be dejected but her eyes were narrowed and her jaw was set. "YOU BET I WOULDN'T LAST SIX WEEKS?!" She grabbed the pillow sitting next to her and swung it at Danny. "You jerk! I swear, everyone's always underestimating me." She swung the pillow again. "Just because I love nice girly things, and I have an affection for celebrity gossip, and sometimes I cut in line at the coffee shop doesn't mean I'm not a good doctor and that I don't want to help people!" She punctuated the last three words with three more whacks.

"Hey, hey, stop it. I didn't say I bet how long you would stay." Danny raised his arms in defense and caught the pillow on its final downswing. "I didn't bet at all. I knew when I saw you in the lounge the night you cut your hair that you'd be gone for a good while."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, you didn't make a bet, eh?" She yanked her pillow free from his hands and settled it in her lap. "Well you weren't exactly talkative that night. I couldn't have even guessed what you were thinking." He straightened his torso and faced away from her. "What were you thinking, Danny?" She was quiet. She remembered that night clearly and wondered if he did as well.

"Mindy, I don't think this, um… Well you see, when I saw…" She had him. This was the conversation he thought he'd avoided earlier. He sighed. "Mindy, you'd cut your hair. What do you think I was thinking? I realized you were leaving. That's all."

This conversation was making her uncomfortable. The melancholy tone in his answer surprised her. She'd been so caught up in her decision to go with Casey that she'd been less than perceptive when it came to Danny. He was staring down at the floor beside her bed. "Look at me, Danny. How can I have a conversation with you when you're pointedly ignoring me?"

His head popped back up. "I'm not ignoring you. I just… there was…. something on my shoe. Besides, apparently you like it when I'm rude." He ended lamely. He shrugged off his discomfort. "So, you feel better now? Now that I've been a jerk?" He smiled.

"Danny, I'm going to preface what I'm about to say with a warning: If you tell anyone what I'm about to ask, I'll vehemently deny it." She hugged the pillow to her front. "Could you just stay the night? I've been such a hermit these past two weeks and I loathe the thought of spending another evening alone and arguing with you is kind of refreshing. Everyone has been so delicate with me lately. I don't even recognize them." She looked up in inquiry. "I kind of get why solitary confinement is a punishment for people who are in prison."

Danny was frozen for a minute. Stay the night? She wanted him to stay the night. What kind of sick joke was the universe playing? Sure, he'd love to stay the night, with his friend, whom he wanted in ways he could hardly contemplate without getting sweaty palms. Oh, did he mention their friendship was supposed to be platonic, or that she only liked him because he was a jerk?

"I don't know, Min. Tomorrow's Saturday. You know I like to schedule caesarians on Saturdays." He shifted a little uncomfortably. "I have some errands to run…"

"Oh jeez, Danny, just say yes or no already. You're so indecisive sometimes it kills me." She flopped back on the bed.

"And where exactly am I supposed to sleep? Your place is hardly suitable for guests right now. I don't even want to know what's on that throw you have on the couch." He stood up and walked around the bed to stand in the doorway and gestured towards the living room.

"Danny, we're big kids, and this bed is fairly large. You sleep on the left, I'll sleep on the right." She patted the bed beside her and Danny struggled not to let the absolute frustration show on his face. This was so damn easy for her. It wasn't easy for him.

"Well, I have nothing to sleep in so that's hardly appropriate." He stood there awkwardly and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Rishi left some tees and pajamas. They're in the second drawer of that chest." She pointed to the bureau against the wall.

Danny sighed in resignation. Fine. He was keeping her company tonight. He wished it wasn't because she felt like a maximum security prisoner in her own home. He wished it was because she wanted his company.

"Fine." He headed over to the bureau and started to pull out the top drawer.

She popped up in bed. "I said the second drawer! Do not open that drawer!" Her eyes were wide and one hand was thrown up in a gesticulation of protest.

"Relax, Lahiri." Danny was glad the lights were low in her room. He believed he might actually be blushing. Her top drawer. Lord. But he also wanted to make her squirm. "What exactly do you have in there? Severed body parts?"

"Ugh, Danny, don't be obnoxious." Disgust twisted her expression for a brief moment then she narrowed her eyes and smirked. "Actually…"

Danny immediately regretted trying to rile her. If he hadn't been blushing before he certainly was now. He threw his hands up in submission. "Ok, ok. Please. Forget I asked."

Mindy smiled. Danny collected a tee and a pair of pajama bottoms from the second drawer and headed towards her bathroom. Mindy flicked the lamp off and settled down in the bed. "I'm just going to rest my eyes for a while, but when you get back in here you have to tell me everything that's been going on while I was away. Betsy's emails were not exactly enthralling."

Danny was already in the bathroom. "Yeah, sure." He called out. With any luck she'd be asleep when he came back out. He didn't know if he could handle any more conversation with her tonight. When she'd asked him what he'd been thinking the night she'd cut her hair, he'd been very close to telling her the truth. It was mortifying to him that he had felt that way but couldn't man up and say something.

He looked around the bathroom for a minute. "Mindy," he yelled out the door. "Do you have a new toothbrush I can use in here somewhere?"

"Left drawer, under the sink." Her voice came faintly from the bedroom. Danny pulled open the drawer and saw little travel soaps and cheap packaged tooth brushes, even little travel sized deodorants. For a minute he was engulfed by jealousy. Exactly how often did she have unexpected guests spend the night?

Once would be too often. He exhaled a huff. Get over it, man.

When Danny emerged from the bathroom hoping Mindy had drifted into slumber. He was rewarded by the sight of Mindy tucked up in her covers breathing evenly. The lamp was off. She was asleep. Relief washed over him. No more awkward conversation tonight.

He crept over to the bed and slipped under the covers on his side. Her back was to Danny. He was careful not to be too disruptive lest he wake her. When he was finally settled in there was very little chance of falling asleep. He was entirely too aware of the woman dozing so easily next to him. He'd lain there in the dark, listening to the clock tick away the minutes. He could see weak streams of light from the street lamp outside. They were filtering through the half closed blinds of the window.

The sound of Mindy breathing peacefully beside him brought Danny a sense of peace he didn't know he was missing. It was as if he'd been holding his breath the entire time she'd been gone. She was safe and sound now. There had been an uneasiness in him while she was away, especially after he'd read the last two letters. He had worried about her. He'd pictured her in various states of peril. He felt silly about it now because it all seemed so far away. So unreal.

Mindy made a discontented mewling noise in her sleep and shifted onto her back. She continued to wiggle a bit. She was caught up in her blankets but she was still unconscious. Danny reached over to free Mindy. He pulled the twisted blanked out from under her shoulder. His hand grazed her neck and she turned her face into it. She sighed.

Torture. That's all. Just torture. Plain and simple.

She turned into his hand and was now lying on her side facing him. Danny felt this inexorable force pulling at him. His arms had a mind of their own. He felt himself pull Mindy into his embrace. She laid her head on his chest and mumbled something in her sleep.

Danny's heart was in his throat. He'd wanted this, but he worried that Mindy had no idea. She was lonely right now. She was unconscious. She thought they were friends. He had never asked to be friends. He'd never wanted to be just friends.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 7

Late morning light filtered through the half opened blinds and scattered a dappled pattern across the bed spread draped over Mindy. She woke from what seemed like ten years of sleep, stretching like a pleased cat. She threw her arm out across the space on the bed next to her and splayed her fingers on the empty sheets. She opened her eyes. A sharp sting of disappointment shot through her.

Danny was gone. For a fleeting moment she felt more alone than ever, but quickly shook herself out of it.

She didn't know what she really expected. It was late, probably almost eleven. She glanced towards the clock on her night stand. The glowing red numbers confirmed the time. Mindy saw her glasses sitting beside the clock, carefully placed so they would be the first thing she saw when she woke up. She was certain Danny had retrieved them for her before he left. Mindy suddenly felt a lightness in her chest that she hadn't felt it months. It was as though some weight she hadn't even know was there was lifted.

She got up from the bed and headed towards her bathroom. She heard a banging noise come from somewhere else in the apartment. It sounded like someone was dropping pots and pans in the kitchen. So, he hadn't left. The thought turned the lightness in her chest into a momentary giddiness. It really surprised her. Get yourself together, Lahiri.

She headed into the bathroom, thinking about the recent neediness that had come over her. She really couldn't believe that she'd asked Danny to spend the night with her. She started the water in the shower, sometimes it took a while to heat up.

If this were a story she was telling to Gwen, she would definitely like to say she'd been inebriated or something. She had felt a kind of deliriousness akin to drunkenness last night, but she had no idea where it had come from. If Danny asked, she supposed she could claim exhaustion, but it was a thin excuse.

The mirror in the bathroom began to fog up, and the bathroom was getting warm. Mindy quickly disrobed and stepped into the shower. She noticed that several of the bottles were positioned slightly differently than before. Danny must have showered this morning. She smiled. She could imagine him standing here in the shower with a perplexed look on his face, trying to figure out which of the bottles contained something as simple as shampoo. His hair probably smelled like flowers. Mindy found herself thinking about shuffling up behind him and sniffing. He'd probably think she was losing it.

Mindy was getting a little overheated. She twisted the temp control knobs and turned the hot water down. She quickly finished lathering her hair and set to work on the rest of her shower routine.

Thirty minutes later, Mindy emerged from the steamy bathroom and quickly got dressed. She put on some yoga pants and a tee. There was no need to get all dressed up. She wasn't going anywhere. Technically she was still supposed to stay home for another week, and Danny was probably the only person she would see today. He liked her in simple clothes anyway.

She was in the middle of combing through wet strands of hair when the thought crossed her mind. She stopped and stared at herself in the mirror above her dresser. Did she care what Danny liked her in? She'd never put much stock in his views on women's fashion before, but she would admit that he knew what men liked. By extension she supposed it meant he liked it as well. She twisted her hair up into a little bun so it would dry wavy. There had been times in the past when she had caught an appreciative look coming from his direction, and it had always engendered a pleasant satisfaction within her. He was always quick to cover it or start talking about something else, but Mindy noticed him noticing.

Thinking about it now, she felt an odd anticipation. She picked up a tube of lip gloss and swiped the wand across her lips. The motion of the applicator triggered a foggy sense memory. She felt an odd warmth swept through her. She looked at herself in the mirror and suddenly felt quite foolish. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and turned away from the mirror. What was she doing? Trying to impress Danny?

Maybe.

She shook herself from this weird headspace and snatched her glasses off the night stand. She resolved to push these atypical feelings to the background for now. Right now she didn't know what to do with them, and their object was standing in her kitchen presumably cooking something. She might as well get a good meal before she tried to decipher what was going on in her head.

She slipped out the room and headed toward the kitchen. She stopped briefly in her living room. The medical papers and journals that had been scattered everywhere were now stacked neatly in organized piles on the coffee table. The DVD's that had been laying around on the end tables and sticking out of various cushions had been collected and returned to their places on the shelf. The throw was neatly folded and laid across the back of the sofa. Danny had picked up the place?

She didn't understand it one bit. He was being so quietly helpful. It was odd, but then again, Mindy felt she often had a bad habit of giving Danny a hard time. He was often there for her when no one else was. On one of the worst nights of her life he had been there with kind words, even though they had fought very recently. He had set on the edge of her bed then too, giving her comforting advice. They were quite the lonely pair then.

She had asked him to make a pact to kill each other if they were still alone in five years. When the words were leaving her mouth she could tell where he thought she was going. The expression on his face was filled with a kind of dread. She intentionally worded it that way so he would think she was going to ask him to be with her, and she enjoyed watching the anxiety in his face climb. But thinking back on it, maybe it hadn't been trepidation, but instead anticipation. She wondered what he would have said.

She shrugged off the thought and shuffled into the kitchen.

* * *

Danny woke that morning at a heinously early hour. This was especially the case since he'd slept almost none the night before. After he'd pulled Mindy close she'd snuggled into the crook of his arm and swung her leg across him, effectively pinning him to the bed. Not that he'd minded all that much, but the little noises she made in her sleep undid him. She was a fitful dreamer. She talked in her sleep too, but it was completely unintelligible.

At some point Danny had finally fallen asleep and when he had awoken at 6am it wasn't because he wasn't tired any longer. If it were even possible, he'd become even more entangled with Mindy. Her hand had slipped under his shirt and was resting on his bare chest just over his heart. She was squirming against him, mumbling more incoherent words. Her hand had begun to make lazy circles and she rose up a couple inches and pressed her lips against the hollow beneath his ear. Danny had ran his hand up from the small of her back to her shoulder. He had wanted to badly to let his hands continue to wander, but somehow restrained himself. He was sorely tested when sleeping Mindy's lips traveled from his neck to his jaw line, and he did give in, a little. He turned towards her and captured her lips in what was almost a chaste kiss.

A warmth had pooled in the pit of his stomach, and he quickly found himself on the verge of losing control. He deepened the kiss. The hand at her shoulder moved down her back again and clutched at her top while his free hand settled on top of hers, only a thin layer of cotton between their fingers. The breath caught in his throat and he broke off the kiss. He was aroused, uncomfortably so. He could easily take this farther, but could he?

She was asleep. For all he knew she'd been dreaming of Casey. The thought was enough to cool his ardor. He stilled her roving hand and slowly disentangled their legs. He slipped out from under the blanket as gently as he could. She was still sound asleep, although she did make a little annoyed grumble. He'd almost climbed right back in with her when he heard it, but he steeled himself and turned his back on her. Danny had resigned himself to a cold shower.

Now, he was standing and whisking egg yolks in a glass bowl over a pot of simmering water. Hollandaise sauce, to go with the eggs benedict he was making. The English muffins, Canadian bacon and poached eggs were resting on two plates beside the range. This morning Danny had wanted to make a nice breakfast, but there had been nothing in the apartment. So, he had went out and did some grocery shopping. He'd only intended to buy stuff for breakfast, but while he was out he kept seeing things she was in desperate need of.

He removed the thickened yolks from the heat source and began stirring in the clarified butter. Danny enjoyed cooking. There were only two activities in his day to day life that imbued him with such enjoyment and confidence. Cooking was one and being in the delivery room was the other. There was a definite satisfaction when you followed specific instructions and garnered expected results. It was a nice change from the awkward uncertainty he'd been feeling lately.

Danny poured the last of the butter and whisked in the juice of half a lemon. He grabbed a spoon from the drawer beside the range and dipped it in the sauce. The consistency was perfect, not too thick, but it was missing something. He searched his memory. Cayenne pepper. He'd forgotten to buy it. He started opening cabinets and searching. Surprisingly enough Mindy had a fully stocked spice rack he discovered in the corner by her coffee pot.

He spun it around, looking for the cayenne. He was about to pluck the canister off the rack when he felt a hand on his back. "I wouldn't use that if I were you. It came with the spice rack and I bought it years ago when I moved into this apartment."

Danny had stilled when he felt her touch. It was reminiscent of the lazy circles she'd been tracing on his chest this morning. His breath momentarily caught in his throat. He quickly regained his composure and turned to face her. "I should have known."

"Well, duh, there's no food in this entire apartment. What use would I have for spices? Plus, they are super cute. I couldn't resist them." She peeked over at the counter by the range and saw the makings for breakfast. "Ooh, eggs benedict. My favorite."

"Well, don't judge too harshly. There's no cayenne to put in the hollandaise sauce." He moved back over to his sauce and started to spoon it out.

"No, wait." Mindy gently shoved him aside. She opened the cabinet over the range and lifted herself up on her toes. She was reaching to the top shelf. "I know there's some up here somewhere. I did a juice cleanse a while back. It'll be old, but not as old as the stuff on that rack."

Danny was distracted by Mindy's contortions. Yoga pants. Whoever invented yoga pants must have had gently rounded women in mind. What was she doing? Reaching for something? What was it? Oh, cayenne. "A juice cleanse? For what?"

She gave a satisfied little grunt and pulled down a large container from the shelf. She turned towards him. "What do you mean, for what? For my health. You drink this lemonade concoction with cayenne and maple syrup for every meal for like ten days." She handed him the container and leaned back on the island where she could watch him work.

"You drank nothing but disgusting lemonade for ten days. That can't be healthy." He opened the spice and sniffed it. He added a couple dashes to his sauce, then spooned it out over the eggs he'd arranged on the plates. "You're a doctor, Mindy, you have to know better than that."

Mindy ogled the plates on the counter. "God, Danny, those look so good. I'm starving." She picked one plate up and took it over to the far side of the island. She walked over to the fridge. "I didn't make it past day two of the cleanse, I love food too much, so chill." She opened the fridge door and stared in stunned silence. It was full. There was orange juice and bottled water and all of the essentials that she'd been lacking the night before. She shut the door and walked over to her pantry. It was the same. Completely full.

She walked back over to Danny and looked up at him and just leaned in close and hugged him. "Aren't you just so thoughtful?" She was mumbling into his shirtfront. She gave him a quick squeeze and released. Before he even had a chance to react she whirled back to the fridge and was pouring two glasses of orange juice.

"You have to know, though, most of that will probably go to waste. I am no kind of cook." She walked back over to the island and set the glasses down. They were standing on opposite sides facing each other. She took a bite of the eggs benedict. "Oh God, are you serious with this? Where did you learn to cook? Did you go to culinary school or something? Maybe you should just come over regularly and make sure this food doesn't go to waste."

Danny felt his ears warm a bit. Mindy gushing about something he did was rare. "It's just eggs benedict. It's actually pretty simple, I could show you sometime." Danny dug into his portion. The thought of coming over and cooking for her on a regular basis was pleasant. He could easily imagine him standing in her kitchen talking to her while he cooked.

"That would be great. Let's do it this week. I still have several days before I can go back to work." She smiled over the island at him. Danny his heartbeat pickup it's pace.

He nodded. "Yeah sure. I have to run some errands, but I'll come back tonight, and we'll get something going." He cleared his throat. "I mean, you know, cook something."

"Sounds like a plan." She happily shoved another forkful in her mouth and reached for her orange juice.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 8

Mindy was standing in the elevator alone surrounded by two weeks' worth of laundry. She had spent the last two hours sorting, washing, and drying the laundry that had been lying all over her bedroom. There was a ding and the doors in front of her swung open.

She lugged the totes out of the elevator and started heaving them down the hall towards her apartment. Danny was coming over tonight for their impromptu cooking lesson, and Mindy had begun to feel a little self-conscious about the state of her apartment.

She finally got the totes lugged back into her apartment and headed for her closet. She started the monumental task of putting away everything. There was so much here, and she hadn't even worn any of her nice dry-clean-only stuff since she'd been back. She pulled out the pair of black yoga pants from this morning. She smiled. Danny had noticed. She noticed him noticing.

* * *

Walking into the kitchen this morning, Mindy had come upon Danny with his back to her. He was busily whisking something over the range. He had on a fitted button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair fitted denim jeans. He looked so relaxed. He deftly whisked the clarified butter into the egg yolks. The movement had caused the material of his shirt to stretch across his shoulders.

Mindy remembered the feel of Danny's arms around her when he was carrying her. She remembered the feel of his shoulders when she slipped her arms around his neck. No one had ever carried her before. It was a surreal experience. It was one of those things that happened in the movies she loved, but never in real life. Casey had never done anything of the sort and the man was twice her size.

She had tried to make her romance with Casey an idyllic fantasy, but every time they were in a situation that was supposed to be romantic, it had turned sour very quickly. He always thought he was being funny, but there were times when Mindy just wanted that Nora Ephron moment.

He picked up a lemon and squeezed some of it into the bowl. Mindy's curiosity was piqued. She'd been standing on the edge of the kitchen watching him for more than five minutes. She had only ever seen him this relaxed yet focused in one other place. The delivery room. He was such a confident doctor.

The first time Mindy had ever seen Danny had been in an operating room. He had been assisting the attending surgeon with post caesarian complications. Mindy had been perched in the observation gallery gazing down at the procedure. She remembered Danny's dexterous and unhesitating assistance. When the danger had passed, the attending had let Danny complete the procedure and close the patient. The other med students had left the gallery once the potentially life threatening complication had been corrected, but Mindy had stayed. Danny was a stranger at the time, but she had felt inexplicably drawn to him.

When he had finished and left the patient in the care of the post op nurses, Mindy charged down to the scrub room where Danny was cleaning up. She'd done the same thing she had done in the kitchen. She had watched him surreptitiously, only that time he'd heard the tell tale squeak of her sneakers on the linoleum. He had abruptly twisted around to look in her direction.

There had been that characteristic half smile that always graced his features when he was genuinely pleased with himself. He had glanced back at her. "Like what you see?"

Mindy had flushed at the comment. She'd been caught staring. It wasn't like her to not have something to say, but she was still at a loss for words.

"In the operating room? Impressed?" He turned around and grabbed a handful of paper towels to dry his hands. "You could learn a lot by watching a real man operate. Of course, you'll need to get rid of that cutesy manicure."

Her nostrils had flared at that comment. Her momentary speechlessness was cured. "Excuse me? I had come down here to compliment you on your steady hand, and I wasn't going to say anything about your suturing needing improvement." She walked up to him and intentionally invaded his personal bubble. It was a technique that often worked with macho men. They usually became uncomfortable when strong intelligent woman wasn't afraid to look them in the eye and rebut their stupid comments. "If you must know, I do believe a tighter suture would have left less noticeable scarring. It's probably just your hesitance when making the knot." She had tapped her index finger on his chest to make a point.

Instead of backing away uncomfortably, like most men did when she employed this method, Danny had reached up and grabbed her wrist. He'd gently pushed it to the side and looked down at her. "Typical vanity, worrying more about the scar than anything else. I don't know what I expected." He shoved past her and stopped at the door. "And you and I both know, that suture was perfect."

That initial meeting had set the tone for their constant bickering. But the bickering wasn't bad. She'd enjoyed it. It had helped her get past the initial nervousness in his presence. It helped her get over that initial magnetism he'd had.

But standing there furtively watching him once again, she'd begun to feel it creep back up. It was almost as if it had never left.

Danny had set down the bowl he was whisking and was methodically opening and closing cabinets. He was looking for something. Mindy didn't know what, since she had no clue what he was cooking. She crept up closer, her bare feet silent on the hardwood. He had stopped by her coffee pot and was spinning the spice rack around.

Leaned over the counter, she could see the muscles in his back defined through his shirt. She slipped up behind him and placed her hand in the hollow just above his belt. The warmth spread through her fingers and triggered a familiar tingling sensation in her skin. She had a brief and confusing sense of déjà vu. "I wouldn't use that if I were you. It came with the spice rack and I bought it years ago when I moved into this apartment."

She felt Danny still under her touch, and knew she had to remove her hand, but was reluctant to do so. The rest of their conversation was a blur. She remembered looking for the cayenne she'd stowed away after a failed diet. She'd found it on the top shelf in one of her cabinets. Danny had been looking at her strangely when she'd finally gotten it down.

She'd decided to just quit overthinking this and just get some juice and sit down and eat. Mindy was once again at a loss for words when she opened her fridge. She'd been expecting to find a half-spoiled jug of milk and a decanter of hopefully-not-spoiled orange juice, but when the door had swung open the fridge had been fully stocked. The words about to spill from her mouth about something trivial were suddenly suspended. She looked back at Danny and flitted over to the pantry. When she'd seen that it was full she'd felt tears sting her eyes.

It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for her. Yeah, it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was the kind of thing people just never thought to do for Mindy. She tried very hard to project an aura of independence and was usually so successful that people often treated her like an island. Danny must have seen through it all. Her throat was closed up. The tears that were hovering close to the surface threatened to break the dam. She'd turned towards Danny and when no words came to her she just went in for a hug.

Originally she'd only meant to cover her emotional state, but she quickly became hyper aware of Danny. He smelled like her body wash. A faint scent of pink grapefruit mixed with something organic, something Danny. She'd felt that same sense of familiarity from before.

She swiftly regained her composure, mumbled into his shirt and stepped away.

Danny had a slightly questioning look in his eyes, but said nothing. They ate companionably for a while and discussed cooking lessons. She was quite happy with the way the morning had went, and was anticipating the coming evening before Danny had even left.

* * *

Mindy hung the last of her clothes up and looked around her neatly organized closet. Her apartment was now spic and span. She had a few hours to get relax and get ready for her evening with Danny. This morning had been something of a revelation for her. She'd forgotten about that initial spark between the two of them. Perhaps Danny himself had never felt it, he'd had Christina then, but was never someone to back down from a challenge. Tonight was going to be interesting.


	8. Chapter 8

Danny lifted the strawberries to his nose and inhaled. They weren't the ripest ones he'd ever found, but it was early fall, and with what he had in mind they didn't need to be. He placed the strawberries in the basket on his arm next to a jar of amber colored honey and a few sprigs of fresh mint.

Danny had just popped into the little bodega on the way to Mindy's. It was a small ethnic grocery store, and he was pleasantly surprised to find they had a good selection of fruit. Danny mentally checked off the things that were already at the apartment. He'd really went overboard when stocking Mindy's pantry. There wasn't anything else he needed to he turned towards the front.

All day he'd noticed people glancing in his direction and flashing brief smiles. He didn't understand it until a little old lady on the subway smiled sweetly at him and said, "You have such a nice smile, young man." It dawned on him that people had merely been mirroring the expression that he'd been wearing since he'd left Mindy's. He'd been incapable of adopting the habitual scowl he normally wore when walking the streets of New York.

He felt himself smiling as he walked up to the front counter. There was a petite young blonde standing in front of him in line. She glanced back and returned Danny's smile. She blushed a little and turned back around. Danny quickly looked elsewhere. The scowl had reemerged. She was young enough to be his daughter.

Not really, but that's what Mindy would have said. She was preoccupied with the ages of women he dated sometimes. In spite of his efforts the corner of Danny's mouth twitched upwards again. Hopeless.

"Danny? Danny Castellano?" Someone called out behind him. He twisted around. Standing behind him was the last person he'd expected to see anytime soon. He took a step back so he wouldn't have to strain his neck to look the giant in the eye.

"Casey?" Suddenly it wasn't difficult at all keep the smile off his face. "Aren't you supposed to be on an island somewhere?"

Casey smiled. "Oh yeah, I'll be headed back in a week or so. Something came up and I had to fly back and take care of it." He had a jug of orange juice under his arm. Casey shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "There was an adoption coordinated by our church and I escorted the child back here to meet with his new parents."

"Doing good work, as always." Danny was unsure of what to say. He had a resentment towards Casey, but no real concrete reason for it. They'd never had any negative interactions. He was basically a good guy, but it bothered him that Casey had abandoned Mindy in Haiti.

Danny was not being subtle with his standoffishness. Casey opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself. He shifted his weight again and ran his free hand through his hair. Finally he sighed. "I know you're close with Mindy. She didn't let me know when she was sick. She didn't tell me she was coming back. I found out last week, and I've only been back here a couple of days."

Danny looked at him in disbelief. His annoyance with Casey bubbled over into full-fledged irritation. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe you shouldn't have dragged her all the way to Haiti then abandoned her? That you shouldn't have been in a situation where you didn't know what was going on with her?" Danny turned completely around to face Casey. "You were the reason she was there, damn it. What kind of man takes the woman he loves to a third world country and then takes off to do his own thing?"

Danny was spiraling. "The things that could have happened to her there…" He stopped and glanced around. The few other people in the bodega were glancing at the two of them awkwardly. Danny lowered his voice almost to a whisper and pulled Casey to the side. "She's not the same person she was before you two left."

Casey looked genuinely perturbed by the information Danny was relaying. "Danny, I've been calling her ever since I got back to New York, she won't return my calls or messages, and I really need to speak with her. I've had a lot of time to think."

Casey had been calling Mindy? She hadn't said anything. That was odd. He couldn't count the times that he'd gotten detailed reports of her tiffs with Gwen and her disastrous dates. So often he would tell her to stop because he didn't want to know, and she would just continue talking. Why hadn't she said anything? Did she still love the pastor?

Danny almost felt sorry for Casey. If it weren't for the swirling sensation in his head right now, the distress in the man's features could have provoked some sympathy in Danny. "Please, Danny, can you just ask her to call me?" The plaintive note in Casey's voice disgusted Danny.

Danny didn't say anything. He just clenched his jaw and stared at Casey. "Look, Pastor, you're a grown man. You can ask her yourself. If she wants to talk to you she will." He turned away and stalked back to the counter. The petite blonde girl from earlier was gone. He started setting his stuff down on the counter.

Casey walked up behind him. "I see what's going on." Danny glanced over his shoulder. Casey had an almost bemused expression on his face. "I can't believe I didn't see it before." Casey shook his head.

Danny looked back to the checkout girl. She was watching the interaction with a keen sense of interest. He handed her his money. "What the hell are you talking about?"

An incredulous laugh passed Casey's lips. "You have feelings for her." He stepped back.

Danny had no response. The accusation was true. What was he supposed to say?

"Well, you should know, I'm not going to disappear. God meant for me to see you today. He meant for me to understand, so you need to figure out where you stand, because I know what I intend to do." Casey set the orange juice down on the counter and walked out of the bodega.

The cashier looked at him in fascination. Danny definitely didn't have a problem keeping the scowl on his face now. He grabbed his things and pocketed his change and walked out the door without a word.

* * *

Mindy tossed yet another article of clothing onto the growing piles on the floor of her closet. So much for organizing it earlier today. No matter how many outfits she tried on they all felt wrong. What did one wear for a cooking lesson when the thing one really wanted wasn't on the menu?

She picked up a little black dress she had tried on three times already. It wasn't exactly the typical definition of an LBD. It had an empire waist and cute little cap sleeves and it fell to her knees. She guessed it was casual enough for a night in, but it was so plain. Danny liked plain.

Mindy frowned. Danny could use some color in his life. She tossed the black dress aside and grabbed the bright red one she'd been eyeing earlier. It was too fancy, but she didn't care.

Her phone buzzed for what seemed like the millionth time. Casey.

_Mindy, please, call me. We need to talk._

He would not stop texting her. He'd gotten back to New York a couple days ago and seemed to think it of the utmost urgency that they speak. She didn't agree. As far as she was concerned, they'd had their last conversation in Haiti. It had been the first mature breakup of her life. They just weren't right for each other.

She exited the message screen and tossed her phone into one of the piles of clothing. She had thought hearing from Casey again would be hard, but she was surprised to feel almost nothing. Yes, she was sad that it didn't work out, but she didn't mourn the relationship. She'd had plenty of time to process her feelings the months they were apart. She regretted the time wasted more than anything.

Mindy glanced at the clock. It was six. Danny was supposed to be here at seven. That gave her an hour to get ready. Plenty of time to do her hair and makeup. She felt energized for the first time since coming back to New York. She attributed the flutter of anticipation in her chest to the fact that this was the first time she'd done anything remotely social in months.

* * *

6:50. Mindy looked into the mirror. She smoothed the front of the dress down. It was a form fitting knee length number that accentuated every curve she had. Her hair fell in waves just below her ears. The tear drop earrings hung lower than the bottom fringe of her hair. She really wished it wouldn't look silly to wear heels for a cooking lesson, but Mindy knew where to draw the line. Just as she slipped on the flats she heard her doorbell ring. Danny.

She swung open the door and came face to face with the man she'd been thinking about all day. He was holding a canvas bag in front of him like a shield. He looked at Mindy, unable to hide the quick top to bottom glance. "Wow, Min, you look good… not that you didn't look good before, but I mean… " He cast another appreciative glance her way, but abruptly looked back up. "Did you have other plans tonight? I can go, you know, if I need to." He had taken a step back from the door.

Mindy reached across the threshold and grabbed Danny's arm and hauled him into the apartment. "Of course not. I made plans with you. I just wanted to dress up. Do you have any idea how long it's been?"

Danny was looking at her again. She was breathtaking in the dress. He loved her in bright colors. It left little to the imagination. He barely paid attention to the words coming from her. The slight upswing on the last word caused his mind to register that he'd been asked a question. "How long what's been?" He searched his mind. What had they been talking about?

"How long it's been since I've had an excuse to wear a beautiful dress and do my hair and makeup. You know, I hadn't realized how much I missed it. It always used to seem like work, but now I relish it." She had taken the bag from him and walked it to the kitchen where she set it on the island. "You bought more things? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of you coming over here to help me use the ones you've already bought?" She pulled the strawberries and honey from the bag. She raised an eyebrow and smiled deviously at him. "Just what exactly did you have in mind?"

Danny's mouth was dry. For the most ridiculous thirty seconds of his life he'd thought Mindy was getting ready to go out with someone else. He'd thought Casey had finally gotten her to call him. Her last comment registered in his brain and he released a sigh. "Dessert, Mindy. What else?" He looked at her innocently.

"So what exactly am I supposed to do with this?" Mindy had a chopping knife in her hand. She was waiving it around while she was talking. Danny grabbed her wrist to stop the flailing motion.

"First of all, stop waiving that thing around. It's not a murder weapon, it's a cooking tool. You chop up the onions for me while I season the steaks." Danny had decided to make tonight's meal simple. Just a steak with mushrooms and onions on top, a little crostini on the side and some chopped up strawberries with honey and mint for dessert.

Mindy picked up the onion on the counter in front of her. She cut it in half and peeled it. She sat it back on the cutting board and started hacking at it with the knife. Her haphazard motions terrified Danny. He quickly set down the spices he was mixing in a bowl and rushed over to her. "No, Mindy, please stop, before you cut off your fingers. I'll not be responsible for mangling a doctor's hands."

She stepped back from the counter and pointed at him with the knife. "Well, Chef Castellano, show me how to do it correctly." Danny wasn't sure how to go about doing this. He stepped behind her and eased her back up to the counter.

"Just hold the knife like this." He was talking at her ear over her left shoulder. She still held the knife in her right hand, but now Danny's hand was covering hers and guiding its movements. His thumb was at her wrist just hovering over her pulse. She felt his warm breath on her neck each time he spoke. The length of his arm brushed against hers all the way to her shoulder. "Then you rest the tip of the knife on the cutting board and rock the knife gently over the onion. You use your other hand to push the onion through the knife."

He reached around her left side with his free hand and captured her left one. She was completely boxed in now and Danny was leaning his head over her left shoulder so he could see the cutting board. The breath from each word he said caused her hair by her ear to flutter. She could barely hear the words. "Makes sure you curl up your fingers so your knuckles are facing the blade of the knife. It makes it much less likely that you'll cut off a finger." He molded her hand into the correct

His chest was pressed up against her back, and she believed she could feel the buckle on his belt pressing into her when he leaned forward to demonstrate the chopping motion. She made quick work of the first half of the onion under his tutelage. Suddenly her eyes began to burn and she felt tears streaming unbidden down her cheeks. She was crying? This time it was not emotional. The damn onion.

She stopped. "Oh, Danny. My eyes are burning." She kept blinking. He released her wrists and she turned to face him. "I thought people exaggerated about onions making you cry." She had turned in his embrace without giving him a chance to take a step back. Their thighs and chests bumped. Danny lifted up his arm and wiped away the tears from Mindy's cheeks with his shirt sleeve.

Her lips were only inches from his. If he wanted to he could just lean in and seize them without any protest from her. "It's not as bad if you chill them first. I didn't think of it though." The breath from his words landed on her lips and Mindy's own caught in her throat. The anticipation rose through her and was at its peak when Danny cleared his throat and withdrew. There was a flush creeping up from his collar. Mindy felt as if she'd been left teetering on the edge of a cliff.

He backed away from Mindy, cleared his throat and stepped over to the counter to pull out the rest of the ingredients. "Finish that up and you can chop up these mushrooms. Do you have any red wine?" Oh, god yes, she had wine. She needed a glass of wine right now. She got it out of the pantry and pulled two glasses down from the cabinet. She poured them half full and set one at Danny's elbow.

He looked down at it. "For the sauté, not to drink." He picked up the glass and swished it around before taking a drink. "Wow, Min, this is the good stuff. Maybe we should just drink it." He took another swallow and went back to putting the rub on the steaks in front of him.

Mindy gulped at her glass and quickly poured herself some more. This wasn't exactly going the way she had thought it would. The action over by the chopping board had overheated her more than she thought possibly. She was beginning to crave those invasions of personal space.

The rest of the meal preparation went smoothly. They had their steaks with mushrooms and onions done and plated, and Danny had pulled the crostini lightly brushed with olive oil from the oven. Mindy had downed about two and a half glasses of wine throughout the meal prep and was feeling a little warm.

Finally they sat down to enjoy the fruits of their labor. "I hardly ever actually sit down and eat. Most of the time I just stand at the island and read magazines while I eat whatever takeout I can get." She picked up the wine bottle and topped off her and Danny's glasses. She had been feeling an uncharacteristic nervousness. It reminded her of the old days before she had finished med school. She didn't date back then and had never known what to say to men. She hadn't felt this way in years. The wine was helping a bit with that though.

She picked up her steak knife with the preciseness of a person who knows they've had just slightly too much to drink. She cut a piece of her steak, medium well, and popped it into her mouth. The seasoning Danny had rubbed on it formed a thin crust, and the juices from the inside poured into her mouth when she bit down. She let out a little whimper of satisfaction. "God, this is good. I need a personal chef."

"When I'm done with you, you'll be better than anyone you could hire." Danny smiled across the table at her. He had already devoured more than half of his food, but she was savoring each bite, and even closing her eyes sometimes to taste it. He was amused by her slightly tipsy state, but also intrigued. He rarely got the opportunity to see her so unguarded and full of enjoyment.

She sighed again. "I doubt that. I spent more time just watching you than actually committing anything to memory." She blushed at her words but couldn't stop talking. She glanced up at him. "You know, the way you are when you're cooking is very like the way you are when you're in the operating room. You radiate this confidence that fills the whole space around you." She became a little bit sheepish on the last words. Her wine loosened tongue was kind of running away with her. "When you were a resident, I used to sneak and watch your surgeries. I never had that confidence in the beginning, but trying to prove myself to you helped me find it. You got under my skin the first time I talked to you, and I couldn't let it go."

Mindy was mortified. She'd had no idea she was going to say that until it had already left her mouth. Danny was just staring at her across the table wordlessly. She flushed again and swirled the wine in her glass. "Exactly how much of this have I had?"

Danny smiled. "You know what they say. _In Vino Veritas_." He got up and took their plates to the counter. "Ready for dessert?" His words asked one thing, but there were a hundred other questions written all over his face.

She raised the wine glass to her lips and took one last sip. "Actually, I'm feeling a bit warm, could we take a walk, it's a bit brisk outside, we could have dessert after."

* * *

Mindy wasn't the only one feeling a bit warm. A thin sheen of perspiration had appeared on Danny's forehead, and he had wiped his palms on his pant legs probably a dozen times since they had sat down. Mindy's cooking lesson had left him feeling heady. Earlier he had wanted so badly to drop the knife and push himself flush against her. He'd wanted to trail hot wet kisses down her neck and run his hands up and down the lines of her curves. He'd wanted to drag her to her bedroom. He'd only caught his breath and stepped away.

Her suggestion of a walk was probably for the best.

Early fall in New York is Danny's favorite time of year. The air was brisk and he had his hands tucked into his pockets. There was a slight breeze in the air. He was watching Mindy walk just slightly to his left. The breeze kept catching her hair and blowing in across her face. She was asking about the goings on at the practice while she was away. "So tell me about my replacement. Is she as amazing as I predicted?"

Danny thought back on his conversation with Lynn and smiled. "She's a very perceptive woman, and I think she'll probably want to stay at the practice for the rest of the year if that's ok with you."

Mindy glanced over to Danny. "Yeah, of course. We've been meaning to get another doctor in there since Schulman left." She had become bored with this line of conversation. The alcohol coursing through her veins made it hard to concentrate on the trappings of the everyday. She was still consumed with thoughts of Danny. "Are you going to tell me what happened with you and Christina?"

Danny sighed. She was like a dog with a bone sometimes. "I told you. We just didn't work out."

He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and picked the pace up a little bit. Mindy matched his stride and sidled up beside him. "That's obviously not the answer I was looking for. Details Danny. If you want me to drop it I'm going to need details." She slipped her hand in between Danny's arm and his side and continued to walk along at his pace.

Fine. He'd do this with her. She would wring it from him eventually anyway. She always did. "To be honest, I didn't even know why I wanted to try again. She was there. It seemed inevitable." Mindy drew closer to Danny trying to concentrate on the words he was saying. "I was starting to feel like she was it for me. Like I'd been given all the opportunities I was ever going to get."

"What an awful thing to think." They had stopped under a street lamp. He turned towards her with a confused expression on his face. She withdrew her arm from his and faced him head on. "No one should ever settle for something they know isn't right."

Danny had pulled his hands from his pockets and was fiddling with the zipper at the bottom of his jacket. "Is that what you were doing?"

She stared blankly at him for a moment then she smiled. "Yes. I had finally found a guy that wasn't a dick. I thought that was enough, but now I realize it wasn't even remotely enough."

They turned back in the direction they'd come from and started walking back shoulder to shoulder. Mindy felt her knuckles brush against the back of his hand as they swung at her side. She looked over to him once again and found him already staring at her. Without thinking she quickly scooped his hand up in hers. Palm to palm. Fingers interlaced. "I know you'll find your person, Danny."

The corner of his mouth twitched up. He knew it too.


	9. Chapter 9

So many times in his life Danny had felt the things he wanted slip just out of reach. It left him wary when the stars aligned and everything started to click into place. There was always this little voice in his head quietly whispering, "It's too good to be true."

Danny was beset by this foreboding feeling walking hand in hand with Mindy back to her apartment. He could feel the slightly faster than normal beating of his heart, the anticipation, the fear. There was always a chance that he had read this situation incorrectly. That chance that she didn't want him. It was easier to dismiss this time though. The closer they got to her building, the quicker their steps became. By the time they approached the elevator any bystander would have thought their rapid pace some odd form of speed walking.

Mindy reached forward and pushed the button for her floor. The doors didn't immediately slide open. They were left standing there clasping hands, a barely noticeable shortness of breath afflicting both. The silence soon became too loud for Danny. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to make small talk, but before he could say any of the inane things floating around his head Mindy's pocket started buzzing.

It was the pocket next to the hand clutching Danny's. She looked up at him with an apologetic half smile and slipped her fingers from his. Danny's heart dropped. The other shoe had fallen. He knew who was calling her. She pulled the phone from the pocket and looked at the screen. A frown appeared on her face and she slipped it back into her pocket.

"Maybe you should take that." Danny had slipped his hands into his jacket pockets and was looking straight ahead at the elevator doors. "I can go, you know, if it's important."

Her frown deepened as she turned to look at him. "You want to leave?" Danny was still focusing intently on the elevator doors. She stepped in front of him. "You want to answer my question?"

She had one hand on her hip and the other was poking him in the chest for emphasis. Danny looked down at her. There was still an almost imperceptible glassiness in her eyes that told of the alcohol she had imbibed. "I'm just saying, you looked like you wanted to answer it. You can."

She removed her hand and gave Danny an odd look. "Thank you so much for giving me permission to take a phone call." The elevator doors behind her opened, and she whirled around and entered the elevator.

He followed her and stood in silence beside her. He was watching her closely. Her eyes were narrowed and her arms were crossed. He turned towards her and put his hand on the small of her back. "It wasn't important?" It sounded like a harmless question, but Danny was breathing shallowly and his gaze was imploring.

Mindy's irritation vanished as she peered up at him. "No, it wasn't important. At all."

"Ok then."

The elevator dinged and Mindy blinked. The tension shattered. She looked around her as though she'd forgotten where she was. "So…. Ready for dessert?" She exited the elevator ahead of Danny and he followed her down the hall to her place.

She pulled her key from her jacket pocket and went to unlock her door. Danny was a few paces behind her. "You know, it's kind of getting late." He came up to stand behind her as she finally got the key in the door. She twisted the knob and swung it open.

She looked back at him as she crossed the threshold. "And?"

Danny sighed and ran his hand through the hair at his temple. "Well… I suppose, that maybe… we could just table this for another time." He couldn't believe he was backing away from this. He felt pathetic, like a scared child. He was leaving everything up to her. He couldn't put himself out there and have her laugh and proclaim, "I knew you were into me, go home Castellamo."

She was always throwing him off balance. It was one of the reasons he'd antagonized her so much when he'd first met her. He could clearly recall the first time he'd ever spoken with her. He'd adopted his Staten Island bravado immediately, but she didn't cow to it. She'd stepped up to him, nose to nose, and called him on the bullshit. That was the first time he'd felt the strange flutter in the pit of his stomach. He'd been with Christina at the time, and things were just starting to get bad. His reaction to Mindy had sent him ducking under the cover of antipathy.

Now though, the flutter had morphed from an occasional and surprising thing to a constant ache. It distracted him, and the mask of hostile and argumentative behavior slipped. Yes, she still drove him crazy sometimes, but he never felt the need to say hurtful things anymore. The intentionally cruel arguments had faded into the past. Now they merely had impassioned discussions. They were invigorating.

But now he was standing in her doorway, looking like the scared little kid he used to be, and feeling like an idiot.

Mindy stared at him in disbelief. Why wouldn't the man just take a hint? Did she need to bash him over the head and drag him into her bedroom? Me Mindy. You Danny. Ugh….. Although…..

Mindy was tired of Danny's hesitancy. She was going to go what she always did with him. She was going to take charge of this situation and give him an excuse to act. The slight buzz she had from the wine bolstered her resolve. It also helped that Danny was currently staring at her with that lost-little-boy look. She bit her lip involuntarily. She knew what he wanted.

He opened his mouth. "Mindy, I.." She impulsively stepped forward and grabbed the lapels of his jacket with both hands. His face was pulled down level with hers and their lips were inches apart.

They were breathing the same air. "Danny.." She closed the space between them and attacked his lips with hers. She felt him tense for a second. His hands had reflexively latched onto her forearms when she had dove at him. He sighed into her and his arms slipped around her.

Danny pulled her flush against his chest. Mindy released the lapels of his jacket and threaded the fingers of one hand through the hair at the nape of his neck. Her other hand was caught between them pressed up against Danny's beating heart. Mindy could feel the hammering against her palm.

She released his lips for a moment and leaned back. There was a dazed expression on his face and he was panting, as was she. "Mindy, what-"

She her hand over his mouth. "No. No talking. I've heard enough. You'll just say something that'll make me mad." She latched on to his shirt front with her free hand and turned back towards her apartment. She tugged him in behind her and slammed the door.

Before Danny could say or do anything Mindy was pressed up against him. She slipped one hand down to his belt and latched on to the buckle. She yanked him closer, her mouth trailing hot kisses up the column of his neck. When she reached the hollow beneath his ear Danny groaned.

Where had this come from? He had only flirted with the notion of making a move on her. He'd harbored what he'd assumed was an outlandish hope that she'd feel this way. He tried to clear his head for a moment. There was something he was forgetting.

She finished unbuckling his belt and slid it free from the loops. It dropped to the floor with a soft thud. She glided her hands underneath his jacket and over his shoulders, slipping the article off and down to the floor. For a brief moment Danny was embarrassed. His obvious arousal was pressing into her abdomen, but she merely pressed in closer.

She reluctantly released him once more and fisted her hand in the front of his shirt again. She wordlessly led him through the apartment to the door of her bedroom. She opened the door and dragged him through it.

They were kissing once again. Danny felt her everywhere all at once. Her hands were roving here and there, threading through his hair, rubbing not so lazy circles on his chest. She stepped back and tossed the jacket she'd been wearing to the floor and looked up at him expectantly. She had completely unbuttoned his shirt and was skimming his skin with the tips of her fingers.

There was still something he should remember. He had such a hard time gathering his thoughts. He took deep breath and swallowed. What was it?

"What are you waiting for? This is driving me crazy." She placed her palms flat against the panes of his chest.

"Mindy, you've had too much to drink. You're feeling vulnerable after everything…." He trailed off. He couldn't believe the words issuing from his vocal chords. He couldn't form coherent sentences. "I just... well… you know.." He ached. In so many places. "What if you don't really want this?" The words were quiet. He fought the urge to look away from her.

Her nostrils flared, a sure sign she was going to let him have it. He braced himself for the inevitable barrage of heated words. They didn't come. She continued to look up at him, eyes narrowed. The words that came were quiet and pointed. "_In Vino Veritas_, or so you say."

She continued to stare up at him in silence. Her hands still flattened on his chest. She was waiting for a response from him. The doubt that had plagued him evaporated. The full force of his desire for this woman slammed into him. He'd held it at bay when uncertainty beset him, but now it was gale force.

"Mindy, Mindy, Mindy…" He rolled his shoulders back and let his button up fall to the floor, then took her wrists and guided her arms back up around his neck. "The truth, eh? Do you think you can handle a real man?"

The change in his tone caused Mindy's breath to catch in her throat. Danny pulled her closer to him, capturing her lips in a searing kiss. The heat coursed through her and she began to writhe against him, running her hands down his back. He withdrew, nipping her bottom lip. He backed her up against the bureau. He couldn't get close enough. He wanted to surround her and be surrounded by her.

He knee pressed in between her legs. She raised up on her toes. He ran his hands from her hips up to her shoulders, pausing briefly as he brushed against the sides of her breasts. He hooked his thumbs under the soft straps of her little red dress and pushed them down her shoulders.

She felt the cool air of her bedroom and shivered. She was exposed to him and suddenly felt self-conscious. She looked away. Danny reached up and redirected her gaze to him. "Look at me." He reached around behind her and slowly unzipped the dress while leaning forward and dropping little kisses on her collar bone.

Mind sighed and stepped out of the garment. When it fell to the floor Danny looked down at her again. The breath caught in his throat. The soft glow of her bedside lamp lent her dark skin a burnished radiance. He'd waited for this. He'd waited and given up hope of it ever happening, and now they were here. He lost control.

He reached for her. He clutched her to him. He grabbed her hips, his grip slipped around behind her and lifted her up and carried her over to the empty bed. The blankets were still twisted up from the morning. Mindy looked down at the covers and she had that overwhelming sense of de ja vú she'd been inundated with all day.

Danny removed his remaining clothing and slipped in beside her. They were both lying on their sides facing one another. He drew her in for another kiss. He felt like a man dying of thirst. No matter how much he drank her in, he still wanted more.

Mindy was hot all over. The thoughts flying in an out of her head were incoherent and disconnected. Her sensory perception was overwhelmed. Each time Danny skimmed his fingers down her back or clutched at her backside to pull her closer she wanted to pant out his name, but instead little disjointed whimpers came out.

He pushed her onto her back. "You keep making those noises and this is going to be over sooner rather than later." He gasped out the words between kisses. He covered her with his body and positioned himself between her soft thighs. This was it. There was no going back. The strange friendship they had formed was going to be altered permanently.

He hesitated for the briefest of moments but Mindy pushed him over the edge. "Sooner, Danny, sooner."

One swift move and he was inside her. She gasped and sighed. For a second they were both still. The molten heat that surrounded him wiped every thought from his head. She began rocking against him and he lost all sense of gentleness and control.

This. This was what it was like to have exactly what you wanted and not have to worry about it being ripped away. She writhed underneath him, little waves of pleasure radiating through her body, cresting and building over and over. Her fingers dug into his back when the final tsunami of a wave crested. As she gasped he rode the upsurge with her.

The silence in the room was tangible. Danny could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He could feel his heart pounding. He could even feel the tattoo of Mindy's heart on his chest where he'd come to rest on top of her. He supported most of his weight on his forearms on either side of her, but he enjoyed the feel of skin to skin. He relished feeling the beating of her heart against his.

Danny's head was resting in the curve of her shoulder, she could feeling the hot panting breath against her neck. She turned her face towards his he rose to meet her. They necked lazily. It was the slow sated kissing of two people who were content just to be touching.

Danny rolled over taking her with him. They were on their sides again, facing each other. Sometimes after making love, Mindy experienced an odd post-coital bashfulness. She would find it hard to look a man in the eye after such an intimacy. Feeling the need to reestablish borders, she would turn over and feign sleep. Now though, she couldn't stop staring into Danny's eyes, and every few minutes she would go in for another kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her, savoring the feel of her against him. They were both slicked with a fine sheen of perspiration. The cool temperature of the room combined with their cooling bodies induced a shiver in Mindy. Danny reluctantly unthreaded his arms from their embrace and sat up. She protested the loss of his warmth, but he had merely reached down and pulled the sheets up over them.

He'd lain back once again and dragged her up over his body so they were chest to chest again. One of her legs was draped over his and she laid her head on his shoulder. Within minutes she was slumbering. Danny smiled. This was exactly the position they'd been in this morning. Only then he'd felt tortured and now he felt a contentment that he'd never experienced before.

* * *

Hours later Danny awoke to the sound of faint buzzing. Mindy had shifted in his embrace. They were now spooning, his knee between her legs and his arm draped over her resting just under her breasts.

The buzzing noise was coming from the jacket Mindy had dropped on the floor. Her phone. There was only one person who would be calling her at this hour. Danny sighed and pulled her closer to him. She would have to take care of this thing at some point, but not tonight. Tonight he could pretend that this was how things were supposed to be, that this is how things were going to be.


	10. Chapter 10

A lazy warmth surrounded Mindy as she opened her eyes. She was nestled in beside Danny in this cocoon they'd made with the sheets. Spooning. Six months ago if someone had told Mindy that she would be spooning with Danny Castellano naked, she would have checked their temperature and asked what kind of acid they had just dropped. She smiled to herself.

His arm had slipped under hers and was draped across her midsection brushing against the bottom of her breasts. At each point where their bare skin touched a tingling frisson coursed through her. She could feel the hot breath on the back of her neck where his face was burrowed. She shivered.

It was late morning. The sun coming in through her bedroom window was the bright yellow of a clear day. The clock on the bedside table showed half past nine. Ah, Sunday. She could spend all day exactly like this, but currently nature was calling. She loathed the idea of leaving the warmth of this nest, and from the feel of Danny pressed up against her she could tell he was receiving a call of an altogether different kind from nature. But, biology be damned, she had to relieve herself.

She extracted herself from Danny's embrace as delicately as she could. He was a heavy sleeper. The friction of her legs slipping from between his gave her goose bumps. When she left the bed, he rolled over onto his back and drew the sheets up to his chin. Mindy suddenly pictured him as a child hiding from things that go bump in the night. She felt her chest constrict. Vulnerable Danny was something she'd rarely been privy to. He was always so argumentative and confident when they were together. She dragged her gaze away from her bed and turned towards the bathroom.

When she emerged a few minutes later Danny was still snoozing quietly in her bed. He looked at home there. She had frozen in place, caught somehow, staring. The image of him in the bed, his face so open and relaxed, had her frozen. It made her wonder if she even really knew him. She'd been holding her breath without realizing it.

She sucked in a lungful and cleared her throat. She needed water, or something. She started to sneak out into her apartment, but unexpectedly felt self-conscious traipsing around naked. She saw Danny's shirt lying on the floor and scooped it up. It smelled like laundry soap and her body wash. It smelled like Danny. She whipped it around her body and slid her arms into the sleeves.

The crisp material brushed against the tops of her thighs, whispering as she walked. There were few things she found as sensual as wearing a man's shirt after a night together. It was like he was still with her, the unbuttoned panels caressing her skin with each step.

She slipped through her bedroom door and headed to the kitchen. Her apartment looked different. The bright light cascading through the windows illuminated a telling scene. The kitchen was a mess after last night's cooking lesson. They hadn't exactly taken the time to clean up after themselves. Other things had gotten in the way. Mindy liked her messy kitchen. Normally it was this pristine and utterly unused expanse in the middle of her chaotic apartment, but right now it had a nice lived in look.

She pulled a glass out of one of the cabinets and stepped over to the sink to get some water. Just as she shut off the tap and raised the glass to her lips, Mindy's doorbell sounded. She wasn't expecting anyone. Danny was here. The only person it could be was Rishi, but he had a key and made no bones about using it.

She set the glass back down on the counter and quickly buttoned up the shirt as she walked to the door. She crept up to the door panel tentatively. There was always a chance this was someone she really didn't want to see. She didn't want whoever was on the other side of that door hearing her sneak up to the peephole.

She pressed both her palms against the wooden paneling and slowly lifted up on her toes. The second she looked through the hole an audible, "Oh!" escaped her lips. She jumped back from the door, but it was too late.

"Mindy?!" His voice rang clear through the barrier. "I know you're there. I heard you."

She was frozen in place. Her mind was racing, looking for ways to avoid opening the door. She did not want to talk to Casey. There was nothing to say. She'd thought she'd given a clear enough hint by not answering any of his messages.

She would have just yelled through the door and asked him to leave, but she didn't want to wake Danny. She stepped back up to the door and flipped the lock but left the chain on. She opened it the allotted four inches and peered through the slot. "Casey, do you need something?" She continued to gaze at him innocently through the opening.

"Mindy, I need to talk to you, and you haven't been answering any of my calls or texts." He glanced up at the chain on the door and then back down at her face. "What's this? I'm not exactly a burglar, Mindy."

She exhaled, blowing he bangs from her face. "I'm not actually dressed right now, ok? And, I don't think we really need to have a discussion. We've already said what we needed to. Come on, Casey, I don't understand why you're here right now."

Casey pushed his head closer to the opening. "Not dressed? It's not like there's anything I haven't seen." He gave her a crooked smile. "Come on, I can't talk to you like this, just let me in for a little bit."

It was true that there wasn't really much to see, especially not anything that he hadn't already seen, but Mindy felt ill at ease with the thought of Casey barging in right now. Danny's jacket and belt were both resting in the floor behind her. Anyone could tell what went on here last night even without the neon sign that she had just buttoned up. "Five minutes, Casey. That's it."

Reluctantly she pushed the door closed to unlatch the chain. When she opened it again, Casey glided through without a second's hesitation. He leaned forward to kiss Mindy on the cheek, but she placed her hand on his shoulder and stayed the motion. "Please, just make this quick. What it is you need to talk about?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped short. A puzzled look came over his face as he took in Mindy's appearance. Then he glanced around the foyer, taking in the jacket and what was obviously a man's belt. "Do you have someone here?" The volume of his voice raised a bit.

Mindy flushed. She stepped closer to him and pushed him back towards the door. "Can you keep it down?" She glanced over her shoulder towards her bedroom door. "Obviously I do. Now, will you just say what you need to say and get it over with?" She was speaking in hushed tones.

Casey continued to look at the jacket and belt in the floor and then back to Mindy. The puzzlement left his face when it dawned on him that he'd seen the jacket before. The smile he'd been wearing when he'd slipped into the apartment was quickly replaced with a grim expression. "I suppose what I'm about to say is going to fall on deaf ears, but I still feel the need to say it."

He looked closely at her. "Giving up on us in Haiti was a terrible mistake. I know things were trying down there, but I bowed out at the first whiff of discontent. That's not how it's supposed to be between two people who love each other." He took a deep breath and continued. "It's not as though the doubts you expressed hadn't passed through my mind at times too. But that's how the lord works sometimes. There are tests, Mindy."

He was becoming impassioned and making grand sweeping gestures with his hands. Briefly, it was as though she wasn't even there. He had that same look he gets when giving a sermon. "Sometimes you don't see them for what they are. The lord tests his subjects, and I failed. I know now that I have to confront these issues."

Mindy tried to interrupt his soliloquy. "Casey, it's not-" He breezed on past her attempt to speak.

"It's not as though I wasn't aware of our differences. I had convinced myself that I was ok with you not believing the same as myself, and that was wrong. It's my duty as a Christian to spread the word of God. When I became content to let you, the person I loved, live in ignorance of God, it was a dereliction of that duty."

He stepped forward and placed his hand on her face. "I can never forgive myself for becoming so complacent. I love you, and I need you to understand this. I need your eternal soul to bathe in the beauty of God with mine."

Mindy was absolutely speechless. This was literally the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. She would have laughed had she not been so astonished. The seriousness in his expression quelled the desire to giggle. Her eternal soul? Really? She was staring up at Casey in utter bewilderment when she heard a throat being cleared.

She sprang away from Casey in what must have surely looked like a guilty manner. Danny was standing there, in her living room looking at the two of them. His features were momentarily marred by a look of surprised hurt. She took a step toward him and his name escaped her lips. "This isn't-"

He glanced at Casey then back to Mindy. His faced quickly smoothed into an unreadable blankness. "I'll leave you two alone." He turned on his heel and disappeared back into Mindy's room.

Why had she took the chain off the door? She was kicking herself. She struggled not rush into her bedroom after Danny. She couldn't exactly leave Casey just standing here. She coolly turned her attention back to the man standing at her door.

"Mindy, there's a part of me that's filled with rage when I see how far things have strayed between us, but there's no place for rage in a tranquil heart. I still love you, and I'm willing to put this indiscretion behind us." He stepped up to her again, but she matched him step for step in the opposite direction.

"Indiscretion? Casey, we haven't been together for six months. This is no indiscretion. This is me. This is me living my life. How arrogant is it for you to think that I would have waited for you to 'come to your senses' and come back to me?" She was getting angry. "And just so you know, you're wrong about me coming around. We have profoundly different belief systems. That's not something you can just get over. I was weak before. I was willing to do anything to mold into what you wanted in a partner, but I am not a fundamentally weak person. I briefly lost touch with myself, but I'm back now. I know what's right for me."

Casey looked taken aback. This wasn't the Mindy he had been used to. He'd had no idea she felt this strongly about them. He supposed if this was the "real Mindy" then he didn't really know her to begin with. Before she had been unerringly supportive in everything he did. Although, there was always a chance that this was just the heady influence of starting up with someone new.

He looked down at her flashing eyes and set mouth. Right now more conversation would get him nowhere. "I understand, but I want you to know, I'm here for a few more days, and if you need to talk about anything, or if you have a change of heart, well… you have my number." He turned around and let himself out.

The door latch quietly clicked shut behind him. Mindy was standing there, still filled to the brim with irritation. The gall of the man. Talking about her "indiscretion" and his ability to forgive her for it. She was fuming. She stalked back over to the counter and grabbed her glass of water. She downed it and went to the sink for a refill.

After she drank another glass and got another refill she leaned forward onto the kitchen island. She'd thought this Casey business was behind her, and there he was sticking his nose in and possibly ruining everything. The look on Danny's face when she'd sprung back from Casey's touch. That look. It tore at Mindy. He'd quickly covered with a blank expression, which worried her even more.

She didn't know what was happening between them, but she was sure that Danny was unlikely to give her much leeway. He'd been burned before. He donned such a tough façade sometimes, but sometimes things crushed him and it slipped. She knew he wasn't made of stone. He was just beginning to be easy with her, to open up a bit. The blank expression was like a door being slammed shut.

She pulled away from the island and headed back towards the bedroom. She didn't really know what she was getting herself into, but the next few moves would either make or break it.


	11. Chapter 11

Danny walked back into Mindy's room and sat down on the edge of the bed, understanding settling on him like a wet blanket. He was the rebound guy. It was so ridiculous he felt himself laughing. He'd never put much stock in labels or rules when it came to dating. He'd thought those things were just convenient plot devices in those stupid romantic comedies Mindy loved.

When he'd stepped out of the bedroom earlier, he'd been intent on surprising her. Maybe sneaking up behind her and slipping his arms around her. As soon as he'd exited the bedroom he heard the hushed voices. With piqued curiosity he'd slipped further into the living area.

Casey was hunched forward towering over Mindy. His palm resting gently on her cheek, and she was just gazing up at him. Danny's heart had dropped into his stomach. His throat closed up. This was honestly what he'd expected. The past day and a half had been unreal, ephemeral. He'd known it couldn't last.

Mindy looked so small with Casey sheltering her. She would fit like a little sparrow tucked under his arm. Danny had crept up just as Casey had uttered his last words. "I need your eternal soul to bathe in the beauty of God with mine."

Danny couldn't believe what he was hearing. The pious self-righteous prick was trying to "save" her soul? Danny had waited a moment, frozen like a statue, hoping to hear an irritated and angry rebuttal. She'd just stood there, quietly staring up at him. Danny had felt like someone was standing on his chest. Finally, he'd drawn in his breath and cleared his throat.

She'd sprung back from Casey's touch at the sound. There it was. Guilt, written all over her face and in her body language. "This isn't-"

The breathless feeling in Danny's chest intensified for shadow of a second before he clamped down on it. He felt the questions written on his face and struggled to wipe them away.

He interrupted her. "I'll leave you two alone." He turned quickly before the mask slipped and returned to her room.

He saw a ghost of a smug smile on Casey's face before he turned. The ache he'd been feeling tried to return, but he squelched it.

He stood up and dragged on his pants over the boxers he'd donned. This was fine. This was inevitable. He'd been a naïve idiot to think things were different. Since he'd known Mindy he'd seen a revolving door of pricks swoop in and out of her life. Casey was the first good guy she'd been with in a very long time. He had some faults to be sure, but Danny didn't feel like he was in a position to judge.

Hell, the only thing Mindy liked about himself was the fact that he was a jerk. He was just another one of the jerks in her life that she was strangely drawn to, but who wasn't good for her. He'd always thought Casey was changing who Mindy was, but now he thought maybe he was wrong. Maybe those changes were good for her, even if they bothered the hell out of him.

He reached under her bed to find the shoes he'd kicked off last night. They weren't there. He stood back up and walked around to the foot of the bed. Where the hell were they? He wanted to be ready to leave right after Casey had left. He couldn't stand in here and make small talk with her. He couldn't maintain this unaffected pretense with her. It would slip. He would say something stupid and unretractable. He made a couple circles around her room before he saw the shoes in a pile of clothes by Mindy's closet.

He bent over to pick them up and felt a warm hand at his back. "Danny?" Her soft touch on the small of his back sent a shiver up his spine. He stood and turned toward her with his shoes in hand, his mask back in place. They were facing each other in silence.

She tugged at the ends of button down's sleeves and looked up expectantly at Danny. "About that…. Casey just-" She felt uncomfortable with this situation. She had walked confidently across the apartment and into the room, but now her palms were sweaty and she didn't know what to say.

He went back to her bed and sat on the corner. He busied himself with the task of tying his shoes. He looked up at her. The sight of her standing there with nothing on but his shirt weakened his resolve, but he swallowed and continued doing what he was doing.

When he was finished he turned back to her. She looked so guilty it killed him. Was that regret? "Look, it's ok. Unfinished business and what have you." He waved his hand in dismissal. "I don't really have time to talk about it right now. I got a page from the hospital. One of my patients is in labor." The lie slipped easily from his lips. He had to get out of here.

He stood up and leaned in close. He thumbed the buttons of the shirt. "You gonna give it to me?" He sighed the question into her ear. He undid one of the buttons. He was wearing that crooked smile that Mindy had grown accustomed to seeing, but it didn't quite seem genuine. His fingers glided up to her collar bone peeking from between the shirt panels.

His face was so close to hers. Mindy heard the question, but her mind wasn't exactly processing language at the moment. She was confused by this behavior. Unfinished business? He was acting as though the exchange earlier hadn't happened. She blinked and brought herself back. "What?"

"My shirt. I don't have anything else to wear." He slipped his fingers down and unbuttoned the shirt a little more. His smile widened. "You don't really expect me to ride the subway shirtless do you?" He slipped his hand through the gap in the panels and brushed the back of his knuckles against the smooth skin of her abdomen.

He felt his hand shake and withdrew. This game he was playing was tricky. He wanted to put some space between them. She needed to be able to back away from this thing with dignity. He could give her that if he could keep things feeling casual. "As much as I would love to stay and spend all day retrieving it from you, I really have to get to the hospital."

She snapped out of the silence she'd been stuck in. "Oh! Of course. Sorry about that." She darted over to the chair in the corner of the room and picked up the flowery kimono draped across it. She undid the rest of the buttons with her back to Danny and whipped off his shirt, quickly replacing it with her kimono.

The flash of skin made Danny's throat dry, but her sudden shyness in his presence was like a vise being tightened around his heart. She tossed his shirt to him from the other side of the bed. He picked it up and shrugged it back over his shoulders.

He was surrounded by the scent of flowers. The same fragrance he'd been breathing in all night. Mindy.

He turned away from her to fasten the buttons. He didn't want her to see him fumble with them. His hands had been slippery with sweat from the moment he'd lied to her.

He glanced over his shoulder at her. She was still standing by the chair in the corner with a look of puzzlement on her face. He looked around the room again searching for something. "My belt?"

She vaguely pointed out toward the rest of the apartment. She glanced down. "Somewhere between the front door and here." She couldn't keep a sheepish smile from appearing on her face. "I was in a bit of a hurry if you remember." She brushed past him through the bedroom door.

Danny followed her as she made her way to the foyer where his belt and jacket were lying on the floor. She bundled them up and handed them over. He threaded the belt through the loops of his jeans and tugged on his jacket.

Mindy was annoyed by the shuttered expression Danny had worn since the exchange earlier. He was playing Mr. Cool, but she wasn't buying it. She was determined to get things back to the way they had been. There had been an openness last night that evaporated the moment he saw Casey. Her heart had lurched a little when he'd waved his hand dismissively. She'd wanted to explain the situation, but he was already acting like it hadn't bothered him.

* * *

This was it. He had to leave. But he couldn't move. He was just standing there staring down into her big brown eyes, immovable. She reached forward and grasped the collar of his jacket. It had gotten flipped under itself in his ungainly attempt to don the garment. Her fingers brushed lightly against his neck. His pulse quickened and Danny swallowed. He was brought back to that moment when she had clasped his lapels and pulled him into her.

She finally freed the collar and patted it down. "Thank you, Danny." She was beaming up at him unexpectedly.

"Th-thank you?" He was stammering. Shit. The expression on her face was slowly eradicating Danny's resolution to put some distance between them. What the hell was she talking about? She was thanking him?

"Yes, thank you…" She trailed off and leaned closer to him. She placed a hand on each shoulder and lifted herself up on her toes. His hands instinctively circled her waist. Her lips were only inches from his. He sucked in a shallow breath full of her. "…. for the cooking lesson."

She closed the gap between them and placed a sweet kiss at the right corner of his mouth. Then one on his bottom lip. Then another on the left corner. Danny could feel the exact moment the dam broke. One moment he was fighting the pressure building inside of him and the next it was flowing freely. His hands released her waist and his arms enfolded her in a crushing embrace.

The silken kimono between his touch and her skin was worse than nothing. He could feel it sliding around underneath his fingers, imbued with the warmth of her body. His mouth was on hers in a desperate kiss. Danny was a drowning man. It was hopeless.

Finally, he pulled away, panting. "I have to go, Min." Why couldn't get just casually kiss her goodbye? Why did it have to be this spectacle of overwhelming desire?

She was panting too. "I-I know." She took a step back and turned toward the door. Her pulse was drumming away in her ears. When she reached for the latch her hand was shaky. She removed the chain and undid the bolts.

She swung the door open and stood aside for Danny to exit. He pass through it and paused to face her once more. "Danny?" She was unsure of what to say. His sudden laissez faire attitude was disconcerting. "Are you going to be back tonight?"

Wow. She sounded needy. She made a mental note to never use that tone of voice again. She was just frustrated that he wasn't behaving the way he had last night. He glanced down at his watch. She frowned. "Well, I don't know how long this will take, and there will be paperwork." He leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss on the head. "I'll give you a call, ok?"

He pulled away and headed towards the elevator leaving Mindy standing in her doorway. A perplexed and annoyed expression contorting her features. What the hell was that?

* * *

When Danny finally had his back to Mindy, the carefree expression on his face morphed into a sad grimace. What the hell was that? She had jumped him in the foyer. He ran his hand through his hair. OK, so maybe "jumped" was a bit of an exaggeration, but she definitely initiated it. Again. Did she want to torture him? Did she care that every time she cozied up to him it made it that much harder. It was going to kill when she went back to Casey.

He stepped into the elevator and the door slid shut. The reflection staring back at him mocked his attempts to keep this thing casual.


	12. Chapter 12

_The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that's what you've given me._

Mindy angrily picked up the remote and hit the power button. "Screw you, Nicholas Sparks. Screw you." Her words echoed in the empty apartment. A wave of embarrassment assailed her. She felt like a lunatic talking to thin air. Whatever had possessed her to watch _The Notebook_? Seriously. The movie always left her in a quivering puddle of tears.

She picked up the tissue box on the table in front of her. It was empty. There were snotty little puffs of tissue scattered all over the sofa and floor in front of her. She really needed to find something else to fill her leisure time.

She wasn't sitting on the couch crying over a Nicholas Sparks movie because Danny hadn't called. Nope. That's not it at all. As a matter of fact, she was totally fine with Danny not calling. They were both adults. They'd spent a good amount of time together this weekend. She hadn't picked up her phone a half a dozen times to check and see if she'd missed him. She sure hadn't. But really, why he hell hadn't he called? If you said you were going to call, you called.

She glanced at the clock over the TV. 2:00 am. She sighed and levered herself up off the sofa. There was no use in dwelling on it. She remembered the odd expression on Danny's face as he leaned down and gave her that peck on the forehead. The half grin on his face that didn't make it to his eyes.

Mindy starting collecting the disgusting little balls of tissue and tossing them into her waste basket. She finally cleared them all out and set the basket back down beside the sofa. She flicked the light off and headed back towards her room.

Danny didn't always realize it, but he had a physiological lie detector built right in to his body. There had been a sheen of sweat on his brow and he'd been fidgeting with his jacket. She'd felt the uneven pounding of his heart when he'd pressed up against her that last time.

He was trying to cover something up, and for the life of her Mindy couldn't figure it out. There was nothing between them that needed any sort of deception. They were both single. They were both drawn to each other. If he'd been concerned about Casey, he'd only needed to wait for her explanation, which would have been forthcoming.

Every time they touched there was an honest and instant wave of arousal. He couldn't hide that. Maybe it scared him, the lack of control. She laid down in the messy bed and drew the sheets and covers up over her. She shook her head. It still didn't make sense. He hadn't been like that last night. She'd never seen him run from something before. He was always so damn stubborn about things.

The times when Danny was the hardest to deal with were those when he thought he was doing something "for her own good." Granted, he was right an unusually large number of times, but whatever he was doing now had to stop.

Watching Danny's back as he walked towards the elevator Mindy felt like something was slipping away. Which was silly, right? He'd said he'd call her when he was done, but there was something oddly dismissive in his tone.

The more she thought about it, the more she began to feel peeved rather than confused. This had to be some misguided effort of Danny's to do the right thing.

She stretched her limbs out in the bed. She felt adrift. She gathered the blankets up around her chin but still felt odd. She flipped over and started pummeling the pillow next to her into the shape that she needed. She pulled it to her front and curled around it.

Her bed felt empty. Which was ridiculous. She spent the majority of her time in this bed alone. It shouldn't feel like there was such large void. He'd only been here two nights. Mindy inhaled deeply and felt even worse. Her pillow smelled like pink grapefruit, which shouldn't upset her. It was her damn body wash after all, but it reminded her of him.

She sat up and tossed the pillow to the floor. She grabbed her phone off of the night stand and checked it once again. She felt like a high school girl waiting for her crush to call. She was an adult. She was a doctor. This was unacceptable.

She flipped the blankets back and got up again. She stalked over to her closet, phone in hand. That was it. Not one to sit around and wait for anything, Mindy sprang into action. She pulled some yoga pants and a hoodie out of her closet. There was a nervous fluttery feeling in her chest. She took a deep breath. What the hell?

No, she was not nervous, just annoyed. It was just Danny. They were just relieving a little tension. Tension that had been there for so long. Too long. He was just being a big jerk, doing the stereotypical man thing and pushing her away when things started to get a little gushy.

She angrily yanked on the yoga pants and pulled the hoodie over her head. If he wanted to keep things casual between them she could do that. She slipped her phone into the pocket over her abdomen. How dare he think he needed to protect her from her own feelings? Ugh, the more she thought about it, the huffier she got.

"I'm Danny Castellano and I know what's best for everyone. I'm just gonna tell a girl I'll call and then not do that. So she doesn't get those feminine feelings and what have you. It's not like she might think I got hit by a bus or murdered by a vagrant." She muttered out her macho Staten Island impression into the silence. Mindy was down on her knees in the bottom of her closet looking for her sneakers. "I'm just gonna go home and play bad piano all night, instead of calling. I might even lie about a patient so I can leave early."

She saw pink peeking out from underneath her gym bag. She snagged her sneakers and sat back in the floor to slip them on. She hopped up, feeling ready for a good argument and trotted through the apartment.

When she got to the front door she paused to grab her keys from their hook. She caught her reflection in the mirror by the door. Her brow was furrowed and her mouth was set in a firm line. She had worked herself into a state. Her cheeks were flushed and her nostrils flared when she exhaled.

She stared for a second before her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Shit." An epiphany was soundly smacking Mindy in the face. Danny was right, again. Danny's stupid smug half smile face was right. She did have those "feminine feelings and what have you." Forget that he didn't actually say any of that. She knew him.

A hand closed around her thumping heart. The tightness in her chest was sheer panic. She liked him. She liked him a lot. All day she'd felt her thoughts wandering errantly back to those two nights. She kept remembering the feel of him carrying her, the fluttery feel of his breath on her skin.

Suddenly her determination dissipated. What kind of psychopath stormed over to a guy's apartment after 2am to demand a reason for his failure to call? If he was trying to put some distance between them, this would really freak him out.

She thought back to that morning. She remembered the momentary hurt on his face when he'd seen Casey, but he'd erased it so quickly. It had been so easy for him to get over it. Had he been on this same path until that moment? Why the hell hadn't he let her explain?

Mindy grasped the doorknob and jerked it open. Psychopathic or not, she was going to storm over to Danny's place and she was going to set him straight, and if she was wrong so be it.

She really hoped she wasn't wrong.

* * *

Two cubes of ice clinked together in a crystal tumbler. They instantly began to melt when the clear amber alcohol splashed over them. Ice ruined good whiskey. Danny didn't care. He tossed the tumbler back and downed the two fingers.

When he'd left Mindy's this morning, he'd walked around the city like a tourist. He didn't know where to go. The lie he'd told her weighed heavily on him. Somehow he felt it would be a lesser transgression if he didn't actually go straight back to his apartment. He was bargaining with his conscience.

He'd just walked and walked, not paying any attention to where he was. At some point he looked up and he didn't recognize the businesses around him. He'd given up and hailed a cab. When he finished reciting his address the cabbie gave him an odd expression but hadn't said anything. The ride was embarrassingly short. He'd pulled his wallet out and paid the man, leaving a more than generous tip.

The look of puzzlement on her face weighed on him too. She had just stood there in the doorway as he'd walked away. He knew it wasn't fair, but he was sort of annoyed with her for not coming after him. Grand gesture and all. Wasn't she the one who was always talking about grand gestures?

He walked back over to his kitchen counter and hefted the whisky bottle up once again. He peered down at the label. A single malt Irish whiskey aged over fifteen years. A present from one Doctor Lahiri. What a waste of money. Danny hardly ever drank whiskey casually. He never took the time to savor the flavor and nuances. Leave it to her to make something more complicated than it had to be.

He poured another two fingers into the crystal tumbler. He tossed it back, the whisky burning the back of his throat. He could feel the buzz developing. The slight numbness in his lips, the fuzzy edges everything was developing. His eyelids felt heavy.

When he'd gotten home it had only been half past three pm. He'd pulled his phone out and checked briefly for missed calls or messages. When there'd been none he had roughly shoved it back in his pocket and tossed his jacked on the sofa. He'd went straight to his desk. There was a fairly large pile of paperwork that he could do. It was what he'd intended to do this weekend anyway.

He'd sat there for hours doing the paperwork that should have taken him all weekend to complete. He sat at the desk pretty much motionless only taking one small break to eat something. He got to the bottom of the pile and still felt restless. By that time it was almost eleven.

He'd tidied up his entire apartment and went through the pile of junk mail by his door. Finally there was nothing left to do, so he'd showered and tried to go to bed.

He'd started out staring at the alarm clock, watching the numbers tick by. His mind was playing tricks on him. Every so often phantom scents would invade his senses. Something flowery and spicy. He'd run frustrated hands through his hair and clutched at the pillow in front of him.

That was hardly an effective method of drifting off, so he'd flipped over onto his back and tried counting backwards from one hundred. After having reached zero five or six times he'd flipped over again. The sheets had tangled around his legs and caught underneath him. He'd fought with them for a few minutes before heaving a frustrated sigh and sitting up.

That was how he came to be standing at his kitchen counter in his boxers nursing a glass of whisky at 3am. He'd just begun to feel fuzzy enough to try sleeping again. He poured one last glass and tossed it back.

He tucked the bottle back in the pantry and set the tumbler in the sink. He was shuffling back to his room when he heard a tentative knock on his door. He paused with pricked ears. At first he thought it was his imagination playing tricks on him again. He continued toward his room, but he heard the knock again. This time is was louder.

Before he could even change direction and head towards the door the steady knock became an insistent pounding. Who on earth?

He quickly padded over to the door and peered through the peep hole. All he could see was a short figure dressed in a dark hoodie. Whoever it was had the hood pulled up over their head. Danny regretted living in a building without a doorman. Nothing good could come from a hooded figure pounding at your door after 3 am.

He looked around for something to defend himself with. There was a tall umbrella with a hefty handle leaned in the corner. He grabbed it held it like a baseball bat. He returned to the peep hole. The hooded figure had stopped pounding at the door and was now pacing back and forth. Danny was quickly becoming freaked out. The figure turned back toward the door and raised its hand but stopped short and turned around started to briskly walk back down the hall.

There was something oddly familiar about that figure. Those curves were not that of a psychotic serial killer out looking for its next victim. The neon pink sneakers only confirmed the suspicions Danny had.

He quickly freed the chain on his door and flipped the locks open. When he swung the door open she whirled around to look at him. He took a step toward her and she turned to face him fully. "Mindy, can you please tell me why you are standing in my hallway trying to shorten my life by giving me a heart attack?" He was gesturing at her with the umbrella. "You look like a cat burglar."

She was at a loss for words. This was not one of her best ideas. She hadn't really thought much past aggressively walking up to his door and pounding on it. She swallowed uncertainly and looked at him again. "You thought I was an intruder? How many burglars knock on the front door, Danny? And what exactly are you gonna do with that umbrella? Summon Mary Poppins?"

She walked up to the door to stand closer to him. "I came by because _you_ didn't call me, and I just assumed, like any normal person, that you'd suffered some horrible accident mangling your hands, making you incapable of using your phone."

He was speechless. A thousand excuses entered and exited his brain without making their way to his lips. He had the strange urge to grin stupidly. He reigned it. Instead he said, "So that's why you called me and texted me? To see if I was ok?"

Mindy looked away sheepishly. She didn't really know why she hadn't tried to call him. It was this middle school mentality. She didn't want to be the first to crack. "Well, when I called the hospital to see if you were tied up, I was informed you hadn't been there at all today."

It was a calculated statement. Mindy hadn't called the hospital. She hadn't even thought to, but now she was certain he'd been lying about his patient. The sudden nervous sweat and fidgeting were a dead giveaway. "Well, uh, you see, they called the wrong person, and um, the patient…"

"Ah ha! Danny, I didn't call the hospital, but you _were_ lying to me. What is going on?" She stepped forward, invading his personal bubble even more. "Apparently we need to have a conversation."

He sighed and turned to the side to make room for her to enter his apartment. She brushed past him across the threshold, briefly brushing her hand across his chest. His chest was tight with worry, but a persistent smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. This was going to be a long night.


	13. Chapter 13

As she slipped into his apartment she surreptitiously gave the space a once over. It was meticulously clean, as always. It was much simpler compared to the last time she'd been here. The massive portraits of a shirtless Danny that had once graced the walls were gone. She was a bit disappointed. She smiled to herself. They were nice to look at after all.

She remembered when she first noticed the monstrosities at the going away party. Her eyes had widened with surprise, and it had taken every ounce of self-control she'd had not to make a snide comment. It annoyed her that Christina had wrangled Danny into doing something so out of character, so seemingly narcissistic. Instead, she had glanced around for something else to comment on. Her eyes had settled on the orchid she had given him months previously.

She'd been surprised that he still had it, that he'd taken the time to figure out how to care for it. He'd been mad at her so many times since she'd given it to him. It was sweet. She'd began to think that maybe she didn't know him as well as she'd thought.

A reminder that she still might not brought her back to the present. She flipped the hood back down and turned around to face Danny. She felt a tiny catch in her throat. He was standing there wearing nothing but his boxers, feet bare, his hair mussed up. There was this lopsided grin on his face, and he had a hazy almost dreamy expression. "So what's the story, Danny?"

He flinched a little at her question. He tried, unsuccessfully, to wipe the knowing little smile off his face. How much whiskey had he drank? He was too fuzzy for this. He reached behind and pushed the door shut.

Mindy walked into his kitchen curiously eyeing the area. Spic and span. She ran her finger along the cool marble of his countertops. The deep gray stone was polished to a mirror-like shine. She could see her reflection in it when she looked down.

Danny still hadn't responded to her question. The silence was unsettling. She looked back up at him as he followed her into the kitchen. He didn't look normal. There was something slightly off about the way he was carrying himself. He was loose. His shoulders rolled back as he walked, hips thrust forward. The elastic band of his boxers resting on his hip created this tantalizing border between north and south.

Mindy caught herself staring and quickly shifted her gaze back to his face. He hadn't noticed her obvious distraction. Her mouth was dry. Water, yes, water would be good right now. She turned toward the cabinets to retrieve a glass. When she thrust it beneath the steady stream she noticed the tumbler sitting in the sink.

She slowly twisted the knob on the faucet to the off position and picked up the tumbler. There were still ice remnants in it. She lifted it and peered inside. The fumes of alcohol wafted up to her nose. Well, that certainly explained his odd demeanor. "Having a little nightcap, are we?" A wave of relief surged through her. There was only one tumbler in the sink. Until that moment, she hadn't even realized she was worried there might be someone else. That his loose posture might have a less than innocent source.

She'd been so engrossed in what she was doing that she hadn't heard the soft sound of Danny walking up behind her. Her only warning before she felt his hands at her waist was a brief wall of heat at her back. "More than a little." He sighed into her ear.

He inhaled deeply. No phantom this time. The flowery spicy scent of whatever shampoo she'd used filled his head. The hands at her waist dropped and sneaked their way underneath the hoodie where they met the heat of bare skin.

Mindy felt one hand snake up her back, leaving goose bumps along her spine. The other meandered around to her abdomen drawing slow circles around her navel. She shuddered under his touch and became short of breath. Her mind was completely fogged over. She felt intoxicated by something other than fumes. There was this nagging thought in the back of her head. She'd come here for some reason. What was it?

The hand giving attention to her navel glided down to the top of her yoga pants, adroitly slipping under the band. He pressed closer up behind her and leaned down to drop searing kisses below her ear. She felt him pressed firmly into her soft curves. He was clearly aroused. Mindy felt a corresponding liquid heat pooling in her lower abdomen and a breathlessness she couldn't shake.

They had went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. How had they gotten here? She had wanted to talk. Yes. That was it. She had wanted to talk. She felt his touch slip down further, toying with the lace of her lingerie. She twisted in his embrace to face him.

His occupied hand slid free and joined its partner at her back. He pulled her in close. She had thought turning around would be a good way to clear her head, but now his erection was pressed up against her belly and she struggled to maintain the thoughts in her head. "Danny, hang on a second. I have to, we have to, um, figure something out." Her heart was pounding like she'd just sprinted a hundred yard dash.

He placed his hands on her hips and squeezed. "After." He lifted her up and sat her down on the cool granite beside the sink. Then his hands strayed to the hem of her hoodie again, only this time he grasped it and pulled it up over her head. Mindy felt her arms raise over her head in silent acquiescence as he divested her of the only barrier between their skin. He reached down and slipped her shoes off. They fell to the floor with a soft thud.

He stared, with that adorably crooked grin, and slowly lifted his hand to caress her. His thumb brushed across a nipple and she reflexively let out a soft keening sound. His grin widened. Before she could muster the wherewithal to finish her speech, Danny's lips descended on hers. The faint taste of whiskey on his tongue brought back hazy memories of uninhibited and wild days. Mindy flung her arms up around Danny's shoulders and drew him in close.

They were devouring each other. Gasping between kisses. His hands roved back down to her waist. His thumbs hooked under the elastic of the yoga pants. He simultaneously lifted her off the counter and slipped the article off, skimming the bare skin of her thighs as he went down.

She inhaled sharply at the feel of the cold granite on her exposed skin.

He gripped her hips once more and pulled her forward on the counter, changing the angle of her hips. The insatiable need to consume her drew him back to her skin, alternating between nibbling at her collarbone and laving at her areolae.

Awash in sensations, Mindy instinctively urged her hips forward, grinding against Danny. He slipped a free hand between them and cupped her where she pressed against him. His dexterous fingers stole beneath the lace and silk. She felt a pulsing rhythm arise within her. It began as the faint thud of faraway percussion, but quickly loudened into the insistent beat of war drums.

Danny paused to greedily gulp down the panting exhalations flowing from her, and quickly slipped inside, stroking as he went along, his thumb resting gently against the bundle of nerves at the apex. She felt the crescendo coming, she felt herself ascending. She freed herself from his kiss. "W… wait… I… Danny." She couldn't form a sentence. "I, I want…"

He understood. He withdrew and kissed her soundly once more before slipping off his only garment. Not bothering to remove the flimsy scrap of lace between them, he merely moved it aside and pushed into her. Scorched to the core by the sudden heat surrounding him, Danny stilled. He tried briefly to catch his breath before the overwhelming instinct to plunge deeper overcame him. He rocked into her more savagely than he'd intended, but he couldn't dial it back.

With each movement she let out inarticulate sounds, the ghosts of the words running in and out of her brain. Each thrust pushed her over a new pinnacle of bliss, sending spasmodic shivers cascading across her body, only to have ascension begin again.

The cold granite against her skin, a perfect counterbalance to the heat incinerating her from the inside out. One more thrust and she was past the point of no return. She felt the inexorable pull of the last peak before every muscle in her body tensed and a wave of euphoria engulfed her. She arched up against Danny as she clenched around him, and he felt himself give in to the same paroxysm of pleasure.

Mindy's head began to clear and she became conscious of the way her hands were clutching at Danny's back. She unclenched them and dropped them to the counter. Their heavy breathing echoed through the empty apartment. Danny rested his forehead against hers and ran his hands up and down the length of her arms, finally coming to rest atop hers.

* * *

The soft feel of her skin against him broke him. He loved her.

No, it wasn't the best time to declare it, so he would keep it inside. She'd never believe it anyway. There was probably some unwritten rule somewhere that post coital declarations of love were never supposed to be taken seriously. If anyone followed unwritten relationship rules, it was her.

Instead, he grasped her hands and returned them to his shoulders. His heart still beating erratically, he laid the gentlest of kisses on her swollen lips, then her neck, then her shoulder. He slipped one arm behind her knees and placed the other behind her back. When he lifted her she reflexively entwined her fingers behind his neck.

He loved carrying her. Feeling her sheltered in his arms was the only time he could convince himself that she might actually need him. She felt small in his arms, and his heart ached when he thought she might rather be held by someone else.

He walked silently to the bedroom. She unlooped one arm from around his neck and placed the free hand atop his beating heart. "Did you know when cells from heart tissue are placed by themselves in petri dishes and stimulated with electricity, they develop their own little heart beats?"

The words were spoken softly. He looked down at her, but she just continued to stare at her hand. "And when you place them next to each other, they still have their own distinct rhythms." They were in his bedroom now. He walked over to the bed and sat down without releasing her.

She sat up in his embrace and took his hand in hers. She placed it just over her sternum. He could feel the gentle tattoo against his palm. "But the moment they touch, they synchronize, and begin beating together." Her voice sounded dreamy as she whispered the last words.

Danny pulled her into the bed with him and settled under the blankets. They laid face to face, arms wrapped around each other, legs entwined. Danny was tempted to tell her that the cells beat the same because when they touched, the electrical currents in each of them merged, and that there was no mystical reason for this. But he sensed that she was telling him something else, and that she would find the unifying of electrical currents just as poetic.

Danny raised one hand to her face and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen across it. She had fallen asleep within seconds of lying down. Her steady breathing was hypnotic. Danny felt his eyes become heavy.

He closed them and was content to lie there, his breathing matching her own, in this envelope of warmth. Sleep, something that had been so elusive lately, overpowered him in minutes.


	14. Chapter 14

Mindy awoke as the pale blue light of early dawn lit the windows of Danny's bedroom. She groaned. It was too early. She needed about six more hours of sleep. The body pressed into hers let out a deep sigh. Mindy was flat on her back and Danny was wrapped around her. His head nestled against her breast, an ear pressed firmly against her heart. Sometime in the past four hours he'd draped his leg across hers, and his hand rested gently against her hip.

She looked down at the top of his head and raised her hand up to run her fingers through his hair and began to drift back to sleep. She felt at home here. Never in her life had she felt so secure in something, although she had no reason to feel such security. She'd never gotten around to that conversation she'd stormed over her to have.

He gave her all kinds of mixed signals. Sometimes she thought she knew what was going through his head. When he carried her, she felt lighter than air. His arms surrounded her and he gripped her gently. When he touched her face, softly as though she might evaporate, her heart would jump into her throat. She saw it in his eyes when he looked at her just before leaning in for a kiss, that look that said "you are mine."

But he struggled with it. He pushed her away sometimes. Yesterday morning it even felt as though he were pushing her toward Casey. She didn't get it. At all. It was the only that dampened her current state of bliss.

She loved it when his own tenderness caught him off guard, but it tore at her when he'd draw the curtains shut once again. She'd had glimpses of this in the past, even before they'd started whatever this was. A quick brush of his hand against her cheek to reassure himself that she was ok, but he'd quickly clear his throat and withdraw. Usually making some flat joke to lighten the atmosphere.

The week before she'd left for Haiti he'd given her the cold shoulder every time she'd approached him. It was that moment in the lounge. That brief instant of intense vulnerability she'd seen in his eyes before she'd dropped her Casey-bomb.

She'd seen the shutters slam down then too. Instantly wishing she could call the words back, she'd seen that same hurt expression quickly followed by utter blankness. She'd felt hollow and guilty at the time, but didn't really know what to say. She'd thought he had Christina, and that he was happy. The moment in the lounge had been a revelation. She'd been shown an option she hadn't even known was there, but events had seemed to be unfolding of their own accord, and Mindy had felt like a passenger on a runaway train.

She had intended to say something to him the next day, but when she'd arrived at work he'd been in his office with the door shut. A clear "do not disturb" signal. Later, she'd approached his office around the time she knew he took lunch, but she'd heard the distinct trill of feminine laughter floating out into the hallway.

She'd taken it as a sign. That was how it was supposed to be. Maybe he'd only had a temporary bout of cold feet with Christina. She'd pushed the incident in the lounge to the back of her mind and threw herself into preparing to leave for a year.

Last night when she'd seen herself in the mirror, the awareness that had descended upon her was terrifying. The way she felt took her breath away. She had this effervescent school girl giddiness. She really hadn't felt this way since she was thirteen. The one time when the boy she'd liked had said her science project was "cool." An overwhelming giddiness that, as an adult, she'd merely attributed to being a hormonal adolescent. She'd never felt it as an adult. But now these feelings that swept over her sometimes, unexpectedly, and made her forget to breathe again.

But truly unexpected was the reaction she'd had to that awareness. It did not scare her because she hadn't seen it coming or didn't want to feel it. It had scared her because for a moment she'd allowed herself to contemplate what would happen if he didn't feel the same. It would mess up everything.

To shore up her determination to confront Danny, Mindy had convinced herself that she could handle taking this thing they had casually. That she could be blasé about it. Which was a joke, because she'd never had a "no strings" relationship without becoming thoroughly entangled in the strings.

Hell, there were strings here before they'd even acknowledged their attraction to one another. They were colleagues. Friends.

That was the thing. She had worked very hard to befriend him. They friendship mattered, even though he tried to pretend otherwise sometimes. They had walked this thin line for so long, sometimes Mindy couldn't even pinpoint when exactly she knew she wanted something more.

Ensconced here in the circle of his arms, drifting in and out of sleep, it was hard to believe she'd felt such insecurity merely hours before. She felt sure in the notion that he returned her affections. The soft easy breathing fluttering across her skin made her shiver.

"I can't sleep with you staring at me, Min." Little gusts of warm air puffed at her skin where the vibration of his voice skittered across. He adjusted the angle of his head and looked up at her.

He'd surprised her last night. When she'd attempted to confront him, there'd been this heart stopping smile on his face. It wasn't like the phony smiles she'd been given earlier. This time it reached his eyes, and he'd tried to wipe it off when she'd noticed it, but couldn't. There wasn't anything behind it but a relaxed and quiet happiness. And here it was again, staring up at her masked in the bleariness of sleep.

She didn't know what had changed. It was confusing and she couldn't go on like this. Having him open and happy with her one minute, then closed off and retreating the next. She raised her free hand and traced her finger along his jaw line. She returned his grin. She wanted him like this. All of the time. She couldn't bear the thought of him being in this position with anyone else.

The motion of her finger stilled. Her breath stuttered. No, she couldn't bear it.

She loved him.

That should have shocked her, but instead it made her feel strangely peaceful. A slow moving warmth oozed through her like whiskeyed honey. It might seem odd to anyone looking at this objectively. Had it really only taken one weekend? No, it hadn't really.

She had fallen in love with him one moment at a time. She couldn't even discern when it had begun. That moment in the observation gallery? Love at first sight? No. It wasn't like the movies.

She'd always felt that little zing of physical attraction, but that had happened with other people. He'd been married. She hadn't even viewed him in that way. She'd argued passionately with him on a daily basis and competed with him at every turn. The verbal sparring and professional rivalry had made her a better doctor and a more confident woman. But the improvement hadn't been one sided. She liked to think she'd made him less cynical.

Christina's infidelity had crushed him. Mindy could remember the thousand yard stare that he'd habitually worn for months after. She'd intentionally goad him into an argument just to wipe the bitter expression off his face, saying ridiculous things just to see that cocky Castellano half smile.

Danny noticed Mindy's change in demeanor immediately. The expression on her face had transitioned from playful to introspective. He propped himself up on one elbow so he could have an unobstructed view of her. "What is it?" There was worry etched in the lines of his face.

Mindy cocked her head to the side and continued to stare, the thoughtful look slowly morphing into a small but satisfied smile. "Nothing. I just…" She trailed off. Her normally incessant inner monologue was silent. She sat up and cupped his jaw in her hand. She leaned in and kissed him gently, sweetly.

It hadn't happened in one weekend. When had it happened? She had spent so much time and effort trying to make him realize that she would be an asset as a friend that she'd missed how important he'd become to her.

He was the one who protested vehemently when she was thinking about doing something rash or inadvisable. He was also the one who tagged along anyway, still voicing his opinion, when she went to do the very thing he'd been arguing against. And no matter how uncomfortable he was he still supported her. Even letting her nurse her wounds in silence when the ventures didn't go as planned, or making a joke to pull her out of the gloominess.

He was this tantalizing mixture of machismo and vulnerability. He made her angry and he made her laugh. He made her ache with desire one moment and weep at the gentleness of his touch the next. When he tried to protect her from herself it was simultaneously annoying and endearing. He played bad piano and watched terrible reality TV with her. He sweated nervously when he was uncomfortable. When he danced it was like he was stepping into another personality. He'd taken her hands gently in his when she'd withdrawn them self-consciously and gently placed them back where they'd been. It was a million little things.

_Whoa._ Mindy felt her lips against his curve into a smile . Maybe her life was more like a Nora Ephron love story than she'd thought. Wasn't that "million little things" speech in _Sleepless in Seattle _the most heart melting thing anyone had ever heard? Meg turning into a super-stalker in the age before GPS and Google was inspiring, for sure, but not heart melting.

Without realizing it, she'd accumulated all these little bits of love inside of her. They settled over her like a mist, and suddenly there were so many droplets that they couldn't help but coalesce and now she was drowning.

Danny felt her smiling and pulled back. The wonder in her eyes took him aback. For a moment, when she'd given him that strange look, he'd felt the room spin. It was such a pensive look, he'd wondered what she possibly could have been thinking.

He took a breath. "Mi—"

She interrupted him. "Don't say anything, Danny." She leaned forward again, as if going in for another kiss, but stopped just short. Her lips hovered a breath away. Her heart was in her throat. "I have a question for you."

He swallowed. He started to say something, but found his breath caught in his throat. He cleared it and tried again. "Ask away."

She moved her cheek against his. Her lips were inches away from his ear. "Do you think it's possible for a woman to love a man for years and not even realize it, because she didn't even know what love really was?"


	15. Chapter 15

The breathless words whispered against Danny's ear. She pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes again. There was a hesitant yet expectant gaze on her face. He knew he had to say something, but no words would form. She had basically told him she loved him, yet there was a timidity in the phrasing. It was as though she didn't want to commit to actually saying the words. She was waiting for his response.

He still hadn't said anything, and the expression on her face fell into disappointment. She began to withdraw. He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Is it possible? Almost anything's possible. You have to tell me though, is it probable?"

Damn it all. Those weren't the words he should have said. He should have told her that it was without a doubt possible, that he'd experienced it himself. He hoped she didn't hear the desperate tone in his voice, but he needed her to be more direct. "Mindy, is it?"

She continued to stare at him in bewilderment. "You have doubt?"

Doubt? Last night when he'd realized it was her in the hall, a surge of elation had coursed through him. With the liquid courage running through his veins he'd convinced himself that her showing up had been a sign. She'd made a choice. In the sober light of morning though he wasn't' sure. Her whispered question about love had stopped his heart and filled him with hope, but he needed to know for sure.

When he didn't answer she released an irritated huff. "This is frustrating, Danny. I have no idea what's going through your head. You give me so many mixed signals." She pushed him away and slipped out of the bed dragging the sheet with her. It was stuck under Danny. She yanked it hard and clutched it to her front. She was staring down at him with a sad grimace. "Five minutes ago I was lying there with you thinking I knew how you felt. I just knew." Her voice was raised. She opened her mouth to continue but nothing came out. She snapped it shut and turned away, stalking out of the bedroom.

Danny was stunned. This had taken a turn. He hurriedly rose from the bed and yanked on a pair of sweatpants. He felt the situation spiraling out of control as he trailed after her into the apartment. She was in his kitchen angrily stomping around and talking to herself.

"Typical. Totally misread the situation." She bent over and picked up her hoodie. She'd already found and donned her pants. She dropped the sheet to the floor and worked at turning the hoodie right side out. Her back was to Danny. "Is it probable?" The words were said through clenched teeth. "Just say you don't feel it. Don't ask stupid questions!"

Her hands were shaking. Danny stood in silence watching and listening. She shook out the garment still talking to herself. "Danny Castellano! What was I thinking? Three days, Mindy. It's only been three days." She was tapping her foot as she swung the top over her head. It got twisted around and she couldn't find the neckline. She let out a little cry of impatience and continued to wrestle with it.

Danny had drawn closer, listening to her tirade. The volume of her voice increased with every word. He reached forward and settled his hands on her shoulders. She stilled. He slowly turned her toward himself. The soft fabric brushed against his palms. The picture they made was bizarre enough to make Danny smile briefly. She was trapped within the confines of the top and he could only see the indistinct outline her face made through the material.

Her chest was still heaving a bit from the struggle with the hoodie. He righted the garment and pulled it down over her head. When her head emerged, Danny pushed back the hood. Her eyes glistened with the tears that had pooled in them. Her nostrils flared every time she exhaled angrily. She blinked and tears cascaded down her cheeks. She hastily threaded her arms through the sleeves and wiped the tears away, stepping back from him.

"Min, don't…" He extended his arm toward her. Before he could apologize for his pathetic communication skills the front pocket of Mindy's hoodie began to buzz. He glanced down at it and then back to her face. His arm dropped back to his side.

Mindy reached into the pocket and silenced the phone without looking away from Danny. "You can say it, Danny. Just tell me you don't have feelings for me. Tell me that this was a fun weekend, but that's all." She pulled her hand from her pocket and ran it through her hair. "No, don't say it. Your silence is enough. I've never fancied myself a mind reader, but what else am I supposed to do? You NEVER say what you're feeling."

Danny's clenched and unclenched his jaw. There was a panicky sensation in his chest. The idea of telling her what he felt terrified him. "Mindy. You have no idea what's going through my head. You have no idea what I'm thinking. Sometimes I think you don't even know what's going on in your own head. Have you even thought about what you're saying to me? It's so easy to get caught up in emotions and misinterpret them." His voice was raised and he felt the panic rising. He turned away from her. "You're vulnerable. You've been through a terrible break up and are recovering from illness."

He was sweating and it was getting harder to speak. He wiped his hands on his pants. She walked up to him and positioned herself directly in front. He wouldn't look at her. "Danny Castellano, how dare you?!

How dare you infantilize me? I am not some child that needs to be protected from herself. I'm not some hysterical woman who doesn't know what she's saying." He still didn't look at her. She took another step forward and shoved him.

He rocked back on his heels and grabbed her wrists. She continued. "It's one thing if you don't feel the same. I get it. Our interactions before this weekend were not conducive to adoration, but you cannot convince me that my feelings aren't real. If I want to make a declaration, you can't make me take it back." She twisted away from his grasp in anger. "I just don't get it. What the hell was going on with you that night in the lounge if you weren't thinking about this?"

Her last question came out strangled. She was on the verge of tears again. Her phone started buzzing again. She shoved her hand into the pocket and yanked the phone out. She hit the answer button and held the phone to her ear. For a split second Danny's stomach dropped to his toes. He knew who was on the line.

The angry tone Mindy had been using with him did not evaporate like he'd expected. It intensified dramatically. "Damn it, Casey. Stop calling me. It's over and done with." She paused for a minute, the expression on her face confused. "Well, of course not, because I'm not there, and it's none of your damn business." She ended the call and threw her phone on Danny's couch.

She turned her attention back to Danny. He was staring at her with an indecipherable expression. "Well, Danny. What were you thinking that night?"

He looked back up at her again. He opened his mouth and found himself speechless yet again. No, damn it. If she wanted to know what he was thinking, then he'd tell her and let the mess afterward be her problem.

"You want to know what I was thinking?" He stepped forward and put his hand on her forearm. He squeezed slightly. "I was thinking, 'She cut her hair. She's leaving. How can she do this again? How can she try to change who she is for some guy, again? Doesn't she know that everything she does is ridiculous and wonderful? I'm not going to see her for a year and I don't know what to do about it.' I was thinking that, and I was staring. God Mindy, I couldn't stop staring. All the words were trapped and I was just gaping. I was willing you to break the silence and say the words that would set you off on your journey."

The words came in an overwhelming breathless rush. He caught his breath and continued. "So I plucked your glasses off your face to cover my slack-jawed-idiot behavior. Only that was a mistake, because when I put them back on and you still didn't say anything, for the briefest of moments I thought maybe I was wrong." He grabbed her other arm. "And I would have kissed you, Mindy, I would have, but you said the words I'd been dreading, and it was like all the air had been let out of the rom. You went back to him. I had nothing left."

"Danny-" He cut her off.

"No Mindy, let me finish." He released her arm and trailed his hands up to her shoulders and back down again. "I know you think what you're feeling is love, but if there's any chance that you'll feel differently in a week or a month, that you'll wake up one morning and look at me with regret in your eyes. If there's any chance of that, I have to know. I have to prepare myself for it." The last words were only a whisper.

The entire time the deluge of words had been spilling from his mouth, he'd had his eyes closed, afraid to see the shocked expression he knew she must be wearing. This was painful, but the dam was broken and nothing could stop the flood.

He opened his eyes and released her. There were silent tears flowing freely down the smooth skin of her face, leaving shining trails. Danny lifted his hands and wiped them away. "I do love you. I have for so long. I don't even know when it started. I sat by silently watching you parade pricks through the office. Each time you started with someone new I felt a twisted jealousy that made me lash out at you. I didn't even know what it was at the time. Keeping you at arm's length became necessary for my sanity."

Her face crumpled and this time she began crying in earnest. The soft hiccupping gave way to short gasping words. "Why didn't you ever say anything before?"

He released a sad little laugh. "I tried. Every time it just morphed into this ridiculous insult or heated exchange. You see this confident person out in the world, and you think 'he really has it together,' but in reality he's just this kid from Staten Island who's afraid to put himself out there. You deserve more than that."

She laughed through her tears and leaned forward into Danny. She wrapped her arms around his torso and laid her head against his chest. "There you go again. Thinking you know what's best for me. When you say 'more' I have the feeling you mean someone specific." She raised her face to look at him. "Do you really think I want to be with Casey? That I'm still pining for him?"

Danny felt the ache in his chest again. He really wanted to answer her. To tell her no, but he couldn't. She shook her head. "How would you feel if this conversation were reversed, Danny? If I kept asking if you wanted Christina back? You don't think I know what I feel?" Her hands slipped up to Danny's face. "I never loved Casey. Never. I was awestruck by the way he lived his life. Naïvely so, but never in love. I realized it the moment we arrived in Haiti all those months ago. Why do you doubt that I could feel it about you?"

Finally, for the first time in years, an anxiety born of expecting the worst lifted. Danny felt a lightness inside that had been absent. "Sometimes I'm still that kid from the island. There are always people out there that are better, and you always seemed to find them. I thought you'd be happy with Casey, and that I'd forget about the hopes I'd had in regard to you. I wasn't man enough to say anything. I just let you go. A real man would have acted."

"I do love you, Danny. It's something I've never felt before, and it's not something I'm going to give up." She pulled his face down to hers pressed her forehead to his. "If I have anything to say about it, there will never be a morning when either of us looks at the other in regret." She pressed her lips gently to his.

He kissed her back, clutching her to him. He released for a second to catch his breath. "I've never felt it either. It terrifies me when I think about how I could have went the rest of my life without ever feeling this way."

The tears were flowing down Mindy's cheeks again. She pulled back slightly, touching the moisture with her hand. "What the hell is this? This isn't me, I don't cry over every little thing."

Danny smiled. "Please Mindy, you cry over everything, and it's wonderful."

She mirrored his expression with a beaming smile of her own. "How can you make a declaration like that and then follow it up by contradicting me? You're supposed to let a girl bask in the moment. Have I taught you nothing?"

Danny's slid his hands behind her, caressing the curve of her lower back. "There are a few things you haven't taught me." He kissed her lazily. "A few more that I'd like to teach you as well."

She looked up at him, eyes wide with feigned ignorance. "Whatever do you mean?"

He yanked her closer and kissed her aggressively before scooping her up. She slipped her arms up around his neck as he headed toward the bedroom once again. "I love it when you carry me. No one's ever done it before."

Danny smiled down at her, his heart in his throat. "I'd gladly spend the rest of my life carrying you from one place to another. The first time I felt you in my arms like this, I knew that."


End file.
